I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm still not entirely sure who Hayden Panettiere is. But here she is yesterday in a bikini in LA.  I know she's famous and she has a show on TV.  She probably plays like a doctor or something.  Who solves crimes.  That's usually what's on TV, so that's more than likely what she plays.  A veterinarian, maybe.  At a zoo.  And she has a Tiger of Justice who helps her solve the crimes.  And she says, "get em Sheeba" and then the Tiger of Justice mauls someone.  

Now that I think about it, that might be a pretty good show.  Talk about action!

NOTE - isn't she a little young to have an ass like this.

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Lindsay Lohan is being sued by a woman who claims Lindsay and her bodyguard hit her car and then gave her a fake name and number. TMZ reports:

Signe Dupuy claims that in April 2007 LiLo and her main man, Jaz, cut her off in their SUV while she was driving on Fairfax Ave. in L.A. Dupuy says when she got out of the car, Lindsay stopped and glared at her, while Jaz was “hostile” and “tried to intimidate” her. She says they gave her a fake name and number (the nerve!) and drove away. Signe tells us this is her last resort, as she has tried to contact Lindsay several times, even sending her rep a letter. Lindsay’s rep told us she did get the letter but “filed it away,” adding “I assumed the letter was sent to [Lindsay's] lawyers. That’s what they’re paid for.”

I can’t figure out who’s dumber, Lindsay Lohan for actually trying to give a fake name, or the woman who couldn’t figure out she wasn’t dealing with ‘Chesty La Rue’. And just cause, here’s Lindsay Lohan in her bikini from two weeks ago, before she was arrested. Can you even remember that far back? Look at that thing on her ankle. Man, this place is like a museum.

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These pictures are like two weeks old and aren't newsworthy by any reasonable definition, but you know what is?  "Consumer Confidence Hits 6-Year High".  That shit was boring, wasn't it.  Meanwhile, over here, boobs.  High five!

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Cindy Crawford laying out on a yacht topless this weekend in St. Tropez is pretty much why God created the word MILF.  For real.  It's in the bible.  I think it's towards the back.  They were talking about Sarah, I think.  She was smokin hot apparently.  And they said that's why Abraham was all up in that shit.  Actually, I can't lie to you, I just made that up.

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The newly single Britney Spears was spotted picking up her bodyguard/manny Daimon Shippen in Pasadena yesterday. It’s nice to see she’s finally wearing a bra, but doesn’t this kind of defeat the purpose? I can’t believe this woman is actually responsible for raising two human beings. Her kids would get better parenting if I threw them in a campfire.

A ton more of Britney Spears dressed like some sort of royalty after the jump.

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About two years ago, Star Jones lost over 160 pounds right before our eyes, yet never came clean about how she did it. Actually I take that back, she said she did with a disciplined diet and exercise. Oh but hey, guess what. She meant to say, diet, exercise and gastric bypass surgery. People says:

Now, in the September issue of Glamour, she's admitting that, yes, she had gastric bypass surgery – despite previously only admitting to having undegone a "medical intervention." Why the delay in speaking up? "First, I didn't know if the surgery would work," she writes in the first-person essay. "I had spent my entire adult life telling everyone that I was fine with the way I looked. I never thought I'd have to explain it. "But the complete truth is, I was scared of what people might think of me."

Well it was a huge risk but totally worth it. You don't get to be as breathtakingly beautiful as Star Jones with taking a few risks. Like Icarus when he flew too close to the sun, Star Jones quest for physical perfection may be her undoing, but admirers of the female form like myself are all the richer for it.

And I don't have any Star Jones pictures, so please enjoy the video of a football smashing into her stupid fat face.

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Kirsten Dunst moved to a 4 million dollar house in the London suburb of Islington a few months ago so she could be closer to her hunky boyfriend Johnny Borrell, and - brace yourself - her new neighbors already hate her.  Pretty shocking, huh?    The Daily Mail says:

It is claimed that three families have written to Islington council to complain about her late night parties and the loud noise.
We're told she's developed a reputation for disturbing the peace and having a wild time as she leaves the pub and brings people back to her quiet street.
Our well-placed source claims: "Kirsten isn't very popular in Islington at the moment. The locals are incensed that she's changing the tone of the area. She's started spending nights in the local pub by herself chatting to the locals
When closing time comes she invites them all round to her house to continue the party. But it seems the noise levels and people coming and going at all hours is getting to her neighbours.
"They've had enough and apparently three families have written a petition to the council in the hope they'll take some action.
"Where they live used to be a peaceful neighbourhood but now they think it is like party central."

Wow, I'm really sorry about this England.  This is embarrassing.  You got Madonna and Paltrow and Dunst.  We got Kate Beckinsale and Kelly Brook.  You really got fucked in this deal.  We could have told you you were gonna hate Snaggletooth.  Everyone does.  She needs to find a country where annoying bitches with creepy pebble teeth and dead lifeless eyes will be celebrated.  Then she'll be all set.

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The Sun UK says that Scarlett Johansson will take the role of Jenna Jameson in the film version of Jamesons book, "How To Make Love Like A Porn Star".  The Sun says:

SCARLETT JOHANSSON has landed her most explicit role yet - that of the world's biggest porn star.  The 22-year-old will take the lead role in the forthcoming, x-rated biopic of JENNA JAMESON.  And legendary adult entertainer Jameson chose Scarlett specifically for the role.  She explained, "I tapped up Scarlett for the part and I'm very excited about the film.  It was my decision not to play the role because I've lived that tale already and anyone can play themselves."

I don't know how to break this to Hollywood but porn stars are only interesting when they're having stuff shoved inside of them.  What am I, a social worker, what the hell do I care how they got there.  If this was such a compelling subject, the Academy Award nominees for best picture would just be Bowlin In Her Colon 4, 5, 6 and 7, and then Ratatouille.

UPDATE - or maybe she isn't playing Jenna, according to People. 

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Former supermodel Cindy Crawford was spotted sunbathing topless on a yacht in St. Tropez over the weekend. And man is she holding up well for a 41-year-old. The last time I saw a 40-year-old topless I threw up and crashed my car. Although to be fair, I was also bench pressing 300 pounds at the time and nursing a sick kitten back to health. And did I mention the car was a Ferrari? I’m just saying, ladies.

A ton more of Cindy Crawford lounging around in her bikini after the jump. Some of these are NSFW so watch out.

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Former supermodel Cindy Crawford was spotted sunbathing topless on a yacht in St. Tropez over the weekend. And man is she holding up well for a 41-year-old. The last time I saw a 40-year-old topless I threw up and crashed my car. Although to be fair, I was also bench pressing 300 pounds at the time and nursing a sick kitten back to health. And did I mention the car was a Ferrari? I’m just saying, ladies.

A ton more of Cindy Crawford lounging around in her bikini after the jump. Some of these are NSFW so watch out.

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