E! has officially cancelled The Simple Life and they’re blaming the overexposure of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. A source at E! tells Us:

“We felt like the real life drama of their lives overshadowed anything happening on the show. Viewers would see Paris all day long on the news about her going to jail, so they didn’t care about seeing her camping with kids. It just was too played out.”

The source also adds that Richie became difficult to work with last season:

“Paris carried the show. She was the one willing to do anything. Nicole was the diva.”

And in sort-of-but-not-really related news, Paris Hilton has managed to land a starring role singing in Repo! The Genetic Opera, which Variety describes as “a musical set in the year 2056, when a plague nearly destroys the human race and survival is dependent upon being able to finance a pricey organ transplant.” Seriously? What’s the point? I guess visiting every movie theater and taking a dump directly on viewers’ faces would’ve been too much trouble.

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Britney Spears and Kevin Federline’s divorce was finalized in court yesterday. According to the terms of the divorce, K-Fed will get $15,000 a month from Britney for child support and an additional $20,000 a month in spousal support, although the spousal support is based on the prenup and will end in November. Britney and Kevin agreed to keep the custody of the children 50/50, though either can go back and ask the judge to change the terms. Although considering Britney Spears’ recent antics, it’s a wonder K-Fed couldn’t manage to get full custody of the kids. Did he even hire a lawyer? I could’ve shown up wearing a ski mask and a paper bag with “baby” written on the side and gotten custody of the kids. The judge would take one look at me, then Britney, then slam his gavel down and hand me the kids.

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The Sun got their hands on these pictures which were taken just five days before Britney Spears’ infamous head-shaving incident back in February.

Partying with pals at the Club One nightclub in New York city, the troubled 25-year-old mum-of-two dived backstage to chat with the night spot’s resident dancers and ended up stripping down to her smalls in the process.

I guess I should’ve put up a disclaimer for these pictures. You know, something to prevent people from opening their eyes. Because, man, a warning like that really could’ve helped me out. With my last remaining seconds of sight I tried to scratch “Help me” into my office window.

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The reason so many people think Paula Abdul is emotionally unstable and borderline retarded is because Paula Abdul is emotionally unstable and borderline retarded. As she proves yet again in this clip from her fantastic reality show on A and E. Here she gets a phone call saying a radio station would like her to do a demo to audition for a radio show. A demo. Keep in mind as you watch this that it's a demo. An audition. She didn't get the job. And yet she breaks down in tears like her family has just been released by kidnappers. I've seriously never seen anything quite like it.

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The Sun UK says that "Britney Spears reveals a rear-ly pleasing side of herself in these pics which have only just come to light", and I have no idea what the hell that means, but that might just be because I've been a little lightheaded ever since I saw her giant ass.  Opening this was like having a donkey kick me in the eyes.  I'm guessing you know the feeling.  The Sun says:

Taken just five days before the popstar's now infamous head-shaving incident in February, Brit leaves little to the imagination in an impossibly teeny thong.
Partying with palls at the Club One nightclub in New York city, the troubled 25-year-old mum-of-two dived backstage to chat with the night spot's resident dancers and ended up stripping down to her smalls in the process.

Wow, so these are the pictures from this night, I guess.  And it looks like Britney changed bra and panties with the other girl too.  What a fuckin weirdo.  Is that the room from "Saw"?  Who changes panties in a nightclub after dancing?  And this is a kids mom, for Christs sake.  Those kids could be raised better by the messages spelled out in a bowl of Alpha Bits.

INTRIGUING TRIVIA:  I think the black guy has a secret.  Shhh…

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The New York Daily News says that the reason Jessica Alba and Cash Warren broke up last week isn't because Jessica doesn't love him anymore, which is what Us Weekly said, but because she wanted to get married and he didn't.  The News says:

"He wasn't ready for marriage, and Jessica is," says an insider.
"It's simple as that. It's kind of cold that the press is saying she was just finished with him, because it isn't like that."
Apparently Alba got serious pangs at the recent fairy-tale chateau wedding of her friend Eva Longoria.
"Seeing Eva get married made Jessica wistful," says the friend. "That was the reason Jessica seemed to be in a terrible mood in Paris."

This guy was smart to hold out.  He can totally do better.  Maybe he can fuck a golden beam of Gods love or a box filled with diamonds from now on, since that's pretty much the only thing even possibly better than Jessica Alba.

SEXY TRIVIA - if you fuck up typing "Alba", spell check recommends "labia".  Spell check is a bunch of damn perverts.

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Faith Hill and her husband Tim McGraw were in concert in Lafayette, LA Saturday night when a female fan grabbed Tims crotch. And Faith didn’'t seem to like it. She said:

"Somebody needs to teach you some class, my friend. You don't go grabbin' somebody else's — somebody's husband's balls, you understand me? That's very disrespectful."

Wow, I think I'm blushing. It's so flattering to see my home state represented with such dignity. Britney Spears - who is from Kentwood, LA - couldn't believe it either and had to take a moment to collect her thoughts. She told her littl’ins, "Jayden, take your brother and you two go fetch mama her cigarettes and a can of them little weenies. Mama needs to think about wha jus happened."

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Paris Hilton lost $60 million last week when she was cut out of the Hilton family will because of her endless whoring and spoiled antics.  News.com says:

Family patriarch Barron Hilton was already embarrassed by his granddaughter's wild behavior - notably when her home sex video was leaked on the internet.
But the 79-year-old considered her 23-day sentence last month the last straw, a Hilton biographer says.
"He was, and is, extremely embarrassed by how the Hilton name has been sullied by Paris," says (a source).  "He now doesn't want to leave unearned wealth to his family."
Barron Hilton, the only member of the family left with a sizeable stake in the huge hotel chain, has let it be known that he intends to donate the $2.4 billion he will gain from this month's sale of the company to the Conrad N. Hilton Foundation, the charity set up in the name of the founder of the family business.

Wow, this dude is my new hero.  The robot that vacuums my floor and that roller skating parrot I saw on the news are now in second and third.  It's a pretty prestigious list.

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The News of the World says that Britney Spears went straight from her disaster of an interview with OK magazine straight to a disaster of a video shoot for her new single.  They say she cried on and off all day, threw one hissyfit after another and left the crew standing around while she went and got a one hour massage.  Twice.  They say:

Looking dead-eyed and disorientated, the pop babe lost it during a shambolic video shoot and ended up "sobbing hysterically".
At one point sad Britney, 25, squatted in her torn fishnets, clutched her Yorkie puppy and stared vacantly into space.
"She just didn't want to cooperate and was snotty and rude to everyone — behaving like a complete and utter spoilt brat.
"When she wasn't pissing people off, Britney was smoking like a chimney.
"She didn't eat or drink anything other than can after can of Red Bull. She could have drank 20 of them all told.'

And the wheels fell off completely when Britney attempted her raunchy pole dance scene.
The source added: "She had a problem with the extras being about when she did the pole dance.
"She was shy or embarrassed or something and she really started struggling with the whole thing.
"You could see she was getting a bit wobbly but no one expected her to throw a complete fit.
"Suddenly she was in floods of tears and stormed off set. She eventually came back but was sobbing hysterically.
"All her make-up had run. By now it was nearly midnight and the director just called things to an end and sent people home.
"It was a total shambles."
"She is a mess. Britney's out of control and acting like a spoilt brat. It was embarrassing.

God this video is gonna be awesome.  Are they even gonna have three minutes of footage where she isn't crying or eating?  They'll probably have to stuff it with clips of skateboarding face plants and footage form Jurassic Park or something.  What is she supposed to be in this thing anyway?  She looks like a magicians assistant.  It's get me all hot, whatever it is.  I started to edit these pictures and I had no intention of taking my clothes off, but, look, there they are, on the floor.

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Remember Britney Spears’ meltdown during the OK! magazine photoshoot? Well apparently just hours later, she went to film her new music video for “Get Back” and had another meltdown. The News of the World reports:

Looking dead-eyed and disorientated, the pop babe lost it during a shambolic video shoot and ended up “sobbing hysterically”. At one point sad Britney, 25, squatted in her torn fishnets, clutched her Yorkie puppy and stared vacantly into space … “”She was completely uncooperative and left everyone hanging about when she went for an hour’s massage — twice. She just didn’t want to cooperate and was snotty and rude to everyone — behaving like a complete and utter spoilt brat. When she wasn’t p*****g people off, Britney was smoking like a chimney. She didn’t eat or drink anything other than can after can of Red Bull. She could have drank 20 of them all told … She had a problem with the extras being about when she did the pole dance. She was shy or embarrassed or something and she really started struggling with the whole thing. You could see she was getting a bit wobbly but no one expected her to throw a complete fit. Suddenly she was in floods of tears and stormed off set. She eventually came back but was sobbing hysterically. All her make-up had run. By now it was nearly midnight and the director just called things to an end and sent people home. It was a total shambles. She is a mess. Britney’s out of control and acting like a spoilt brat. It was embarrassing. She needs help fast.”

I don’t know what everybody’s complaining about. Do you see these pictures? The second I downloaded them my computer burst into flames and started flashing “Too sexy!” on the screen. Honest.

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