TMZ has interviews with three men Lindsay Lohan allegedly took hostage during the wild car chase that led to her DUI arrest Tuesday morning. The three men were invited to a Malibu party by Lindsay because they were friends with her former assistant’s boyfriend, but ended up involved in the car chase when Lindsay decided to borrow their car. After Lindsay’s former assistant told her she quit, Lindsay started “raging” and jumped in their car which they were waiting to leave in. As she started driving, one of the passengers jumped out scared and she ran over his foot. They say Lindsay was driving 100 mph and when she caught up with the assistant she began doing circles on PCH around the assistant’s car, at one point saying, “I can’t get in trouble. I’m a celebrity. I can do whatever the fuck I want.” One of the passengers says he tried to grab the wheel, but Lindsay responded, “If you touch me I’ll sue you.” TMZ reports:

Dante realized the mother was driving to the police station and warned Lindsay if she didn’t stop she’d get in hot water. He says Lindsay responded, “I’m a celebrity. I’m not going to get in trouble.”

The two cars stopped in a parking lot near the cop shop. When police arrived, Dante says it seemed as if Lindsay told officers, “I wasn’t driving. The black kid was driving.”

Dante and Jakon say they saw Lindsay flunk the field sobriety test. They say when she tried touching her nose, she almost fell over.

I want to believe these clowns - man, do I want to - but their story sounds ridiculous and I’m pretty sure they won’t be receiving their Mensa memberships anytime soon. I’m surprised they didn’t say Lindsay was chasing the car on foot and waving a machine gun over her head.

Check out the rest of the video clips after the jump.

Comments Off

Nicole Richie will do time for her DUI arrest back in December and is currently in court right now to either plead guilty or no contest. According to the law she’ll receive a minimum sentence of five days in jail. Keep in mind Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 days and all she did was violate probation and drive on a suspended license. Nicole Richie was high and driving on the wrong side of a freeway. Which means if she gets the same judge she’ll end up in a zoo or something.

Comments Off

The Spice Girls added three new dates to their tour this morning - adding Vancouver, San Jose and Shanghai - and also released the first promo shot of them reunited.  And … uh … hm.  Posh and the other blond are hot but the rest of them look like hell.  Who do they think is gonna pay for this?  I can't remember their names but the white brunette who isn't Posh is creepin me out.  Was she even in the band before?  That might be the Berries and Cream guy.  I guess in hindsight that would be a pretty good show.  She could clap and kick her legs and sing, "I'm a little lad who loves … berrrieeess … and creeeeammmmm!"  Makes me wanna dance!

(damn I forgot how f'n hot Posh was.  UHQ here and here and here and here)

Comments Off

None of these guys really sound like they're gonna be picking up boulders with their oversized brains, but TMZ has an incredible interview this morning with three men who say they were in the car that Lindsay Loahn basically stole when she was arrested Tuesday morning for DUI.  They were at the party in Malibu with Lindsay when her assistant quit, sending Lindsay into a "rampage".  They say Lindsay was drunk and possibly high at the time and she took their white GMC Denali and raced down Pacific Coat Highway at 100 miles per hour, running red lights and chasing her assistant.  When they tried to grab the wheel and force Lindsay to stop, Lindsay said, "If you touch me I'll sue you."  When they asked her to stop and warned her they might get caught, Lindsay said,  "I can't get in trouble. I'm a celebrity. I can do whatever the fuck I want."  TMZ says:

The guys say Lindsay then began to chase (her assistant) at speeds of up to 80 MPH through Santa Monica, blowing multiple red lights.
Dante realized the mother (of the assistant) was driving to the police station and warned Lindsay if she didn't stop she'd get in hot water. He says Lindsay responded, "I'm a celebrity. I'm not going to get in trouble."
The two cars stopped in a parking lot near the cop shop. When police arrived, Dante says it seemed as if Lindsay told officers, "I wasn't driving. The black kid was driving."
Dante and Jakon say they saw Lindsay flunk the field sobriety test. They say when she tried touching her nose, she almost fell over.
As Ronnie put it "It was pretty much the worst night of my entire summer."

It's not clear at what point Lindsay put on someone else's pants stuffed with cocaine, but whatever.  Lindsay has big boobs and she wears clothes that fit like the band around a barrel, so who am I really supposed to believe.  She could be an invincible cyborg sent from the future to kill me for all I care.  Especially since, if she is an invincible cyborg sent from the future to kill me, maybe she can be reprogrammed to spread a message of love. Or to blow me.

(videos 2, 3 and 4 after the jump)

Comments Off

Nicole Richie will appear in court this morning and plead either guilty or no contest to driving under the influence.  Richie was cited at 4:30am on December 11th when sheriffs deputies approached her car after several 911 calls reported Richie driving the wrong way down the Burbank Freeway. Richie was parked in the carpool lane and talking on her cell phone when they found her.  When questioned, she admitted she was high on vicodin and had been smoking marijuana.  This was not her first DUI.  In 2002, she was arrested for driving 50 miler per hour in a 15 mph zone near UCLA.  She had a .13 blood alcohol level, almost twice the legal limit.  Six months later, she was convicted for possession of heroin and driving on a suspended license.  About today’s court proceeding, TMZ says:

Richie will plead either guilty or no contest to DUI. She will appear before the Court Commissioner, who will sentence her on the spot. Sources say Richie will receive a minimum sentence of five days in jail. By law, anyone with two DUI convictions must serve at least five days. This conviction will be Nicole's second DUI.

So, I guess this means she'll be going to jail today.  Or the zoo, or the museum, or wherever the hell it is you lock up creatures that were previously thought to be just a myth.  If she does go to jail, I think a good experiment would be to tie her to a stake in the ground and keep her in a large pen.  Then release a cow.  I got 100 dollars that says that thing is nothing but bone in under 2 minutes.

Comments Off

When this chick first showed up I thought she was kinda hot, but then one day it dawned on me she looks like a goat.  And I don't mean a little bit like a goat, I mean she looks exactly like a goat.  It may surprise you to learn I haven't masturbated to as many pictures of goats as you might think.  None of this is news worthy, by the way, but it's late and I couldn't sleep, so I decided to go online and list people who look like goats.  I don't have a number 2 yet, but I don't think it's gonna matter because unless they're eating a tin can or boot, they're not gonna be more goat-y than this chick.  To commemorate her big win, I made her a crown with little horns on the side.  Congratulations Kim!

Comments Off

So if you haven't seen it yet, here's the complete OK! magazine article that promised us shocking revelations and pictures of Britney Spears.  Sadly, all it really does is tell us things we already knew and show us pictures we've already seen.  They did take a few new pictures (the shoot is seen from the street in the banner picture) but decided they were unusable.   It does list all the clothing items Britney or her assistants stole or ruined, which is neat, but other than that it's just dull empty nothing.  They might as well have told us her favorite color or that her goal in life is to keep reaching for her dreams.

(higher res copies of the scans here and here and here)

Comments Off

Claire Danes was at MTV Canada yesterday and accidentally flashed her nipple when she bent over while promoting her new movie Stardust. It’s not even just her nipple, her entire breast is basically exposed. Well, assuming you consider that thing a breast. She’s pretty and all, but I’ve owned rulers with more curves than her.

Click the image for the uncensored NSFW version.

Comments Off

TMZ has gotten the 911 tape describing what went down when Lindsay Lohan’s former assistant’s mom called the police. The woman is hysterical, never answering the 911 operator, repeatedly saying that a white GMC is following her, and constantly screaming “Oh my God!” If this woman is one of the witnesses in the case Lindsay might actually get off. The judge would listen to her ramble hysterically for twenty seconds, go, “Let me stop you right there, I think I’ve heard enough.” Then he’d turn to the bailiff, take out his gun, and shoot the woman in the face. Then he’d give Lindsay an award for dealing with this woman for as long as she did.

You can listen to the 911 tape here, but let me summarize it for you: “Oh my God. Oh my Goooood. Oh my God, what is he doing? Oh my God. Oh my God! Oh my God!!!”

Comments Off

TMZ has gotten the 911 tape describing what went down when Lindsay Lohan’s former assistant’s mom called the police. The woman is hysterical, never answering the 911 operator, repeatedly saying that a white GMC is following her, and constantly screaming “Oh my God!” If this woman is one of the witnesses in the case Lindsay might actually get off. The judge would listen to her ramble hysterically for twenty seconds, go, “Let me stop you right there, I think I’ve heard enough.” Then he’d turn to the bailiff, take out his gun, and shoot the woman in the face. Then he’d give Lindsay an award for dealing with this woman for as long as she did.

You can listen to the 911 tape here, but let me summarize it for you: “Oh my God. Oh my Goooood. Oh my God, what is he doing? Oh my God. Oh my God! Oh my God!!!”

Comments Off