These are a couple days old but it’s Cindy Crawford so, you know, who cares? She still looks amazing for a 41-year-old. I don’t want to start any rumors, but I hear she drinks the blood of newborns to stay youthful. And did I just make that up? Maybe. The only thing we know for sure is that I’m still the reigning champion of the National Sexiest Person Alive Competition. See, because I’m so sexy.

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I didn't think people this young were even allowed to fly by themselves, but apparently they are, because Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens, the stars of "High School Musical" 1 and 2, are in Hawaii this week.  Vanessa was born in 1988, but try telling that to my penis, who is freaking out because she looks like she's 12.  These might as well be pictures of a baby panda and a baby tiger holding hands on the beach.

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Angelina Jolie took her four children to a Children’s Petting Zoo in Central Park yesterday, and Shiloh made a rare appearance. Although being the daughter of Angelina Jolie it’s not really any surprise she has lips like that. What is surprising, though, is that I read somewhere she can store up to twenty acorns in those cheeks. That’s fact-tastic!

NOTE: When I say I read something somewhere, just assume I mean I had a delirious dream where everybody was human-sized chipmunks. But really, isn’t that basically the same thing?

One more shot of Angelina with Shiloh after the jump.

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Several sources today, including MovieWeb and IESB, say that Jake Gyllenhaal and his offensively ugly sister have been approached about playing the Wonder Twins in the upcoming "Justice League of America" Movie.  Tom Welling is also rumored to be playing Superman, which actually sounds cool, but I'm sure the producers will screw that up, because, to recap, their movie includes retarded twins and a blue monkey with a bucket.  MovieWeb says:

We have a very trusted source fresh from the set of The Dark Knight, who has worked with Maggie Gyllenhaal doing live theater. As you know, Maggie stars as Rachel Dawes (replacing Katie Holmes) in the upcoming bat sequel. Our source confirms that Gyllenhaal has in fact been approached about appearing in the new Justice League of America film. Only, there is a catch. It would be a cameo, in which she would appear alongside her brother Jake.
That's right. The Gyllenhaal siblings have been approached with the idea of playing Jayna and Zan, the Wonder Twins.

These two are seriously the dumbest damn superheros ever created.  She can turn into any animal.  He can turn into anything water-based.  Believe it or not, the crime fighting limitations of an eagle carrying a block of ice with a face occurred to the writers pretty quickly, so Zan would turn into things like an ice bicycle that the monkey would ride around.  Shockingly, that stopped even fewer crimes.  Because a house cat and a bucket of purple water isn't really that scary.  A towel salesmen with a can of tuna could pretty much take over the earth.

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Cameron Diaz celebrated her 35th birthday yesterday on the set of her new movie What Happens in Vegas. Wait, she’s 35? It kind of makes me wonder if all those young dudes she’s been with are really dating her, or helping her cross the street. I’m not saying Cameron Diaz is old, I’m just saying she’s not getting any younger. Or, let’s be honest, more attractive. But, hey, at least she’s finding work. Wait, what’s that? Ashton Kutcher is in it? Jesus! That’s terrible! I mean, uh, Happy Birthday?

Fun Fact: When not chewing food or speaking, Cameron Diaz’s mouth is occasionally rented out to host large parties and weddings.

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In case you haven't heard, the much talked up Kanye West album "Graduation" was leaked in it's entirety yesterday.  Every bit torrent site has a billion copies.  Isohunt has a few thousand seeders here.  I personally don't like Kanye.  He's too hard.  Minorities are scary and I feel like hes trying to trick me into coming closer with all his sweater vests and teddy bears.  When it comes to real "rapping", I'll take Will Smith thank you very much. I like his gentle, family friendly rhymes about basketball and shorts.  That's rapping the whole family can enjoy.

UPDATE – rapidshare link here if you struggle with bit torrent there, Fred Flintstone.

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First one to make a DSL joke goes straight to hell.

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The Sun UK says that Britney Spears new single "Cold As Fire" opens with the lyrics:

"I'm just the girl with the ability to drive a man crazy/ Make him come in my mouth/ Make him my new baby…”

And I guess it can sound like that if that's what you want it to sound like, but breatheheavy.com says the real lyrics are:

"I'm just the girl with the ability to drive a man crazy/ Make him call me mama/ Make him my new baby…"

I'm gonna go out on a limb and suggest you’re not gonna learn anything by trying to interpret Britney Spears lyrics.  She probably did say "come in my mouth".  This retard couldn't interpret a stop light, you think she's gonna write coy references to sex?  She's an idiot.  A talking pegasus could grant her three wishes, and if you asked her about it the next day, she would just say, "a who did what now?"

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Two new Britney Spears songs have popped up online and they’re every bit as bad as you’d expect. According to The Sun, she opens her new song Cold As Fire with the lyrics:

“I’m just the girl with the ability to drive a man crazy/ Make him come in my mouth/ Make him my new baby”

Other sources are saying the lyrics are:

“I’m just the girl with the ability to drive a man crazy/ Make him call me mama/ Make him my new baby”

You can listen for yourself here, but either way it’s bad. Like really really bad. Like so bad I thought it was a fake. I think they squeezed Britney until they got her voice as high up as it is, and then pulled some random people off the subway and made them backup singers. And Britney’s next single Gimme More (listen here) opens with the lyrics:

“It’s Britney, bitch”

Ooh, sassy. I don’t know about you, but this Britney character sounds like she’s got a lot of attitude. Man, I bet she also smokes and wears sunglasses indoors. She’s so cool.

NOTE: Just to be complete, here’s her third leaked song. Although it’s the same one I posted a couple weeks ago and still just as bad.

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Here’s Ashton Kutcher wearing Capri pants and a shirt with a shiny hummingbird on it. Because, you know, Capri pants. And a shiny hummingbird. All further evidence to support my theory that Ashton Kutcher is the toughest man on the planet. I’m just waiting for the paparazzi shots of him buying tampons with Demi Moore. You know Demi doesn’t need them because of a little thing called menopause. And if you don’t know what menopause is, just ask somebody old like Demi. Your grandmother, for example. Don’t worry, eventually she’ll stop sobbing long enough to explain it to you.

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