Wes Anderson’s short film Hotel Chevalier was released on iTunes earlier this week for free, but since iTunes doesn’t work for everybody, now Google Video has the entire thing up also. The short stars Jason Schwartzman and Natalie Portman or, more specifically, Natalie Portman’s naked butt. So yeah, if that’s something you might be interested in you can watch the whole thing above. I’m not sure what other reason you’d possibly have for watching this thing. Maybe you don’t see enough people brushing their teeth or talking really slowly in your regular life.

Slightly NSFW because of, well, the whole naked butt thing.

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Joey Fatone is reaching out to Britney Spears - in the creepiest way possible. While appearing on Extra, he had the following to say:

“I think she just needs some time, some time to really heal.”
He’s now inviting her to take refuge far away from Hollywood at his home in Orlando.
“Britney call me, come over to my house, come to Orlando, get way from it all,” he pleaded. “It’s a good thing to get out of L.A.”
Fatone admitted he hasn’t seen Britney in a while but added, “If you’re there, let me know. I’m here for you sweetheart.”

Listen, Joey, I understand that you were the fat guy in N’Sync and Justin Timberlake got all the tail. Including Britney’s when it was fashionable to do so. Now, not so much. Anyway, I have to admit, your plan, while desperate, is pretty clever. If you do get Britney to your house, there is a 110% chance she’ll get naked. I also hear she’s drinking a lot, so that’s good and will help her get over the whole fat thing. Whether that entails you being fat or Britney being self-conscious about her own weight is between you two and the Burger King drive-thru she’ll make you go through at least twice in one hour. Don’t forget to stop at Dairy Queen on the way back. Britney needs a Blizzard to get in the mood - ooh, and a milkshake!

Update: Apparently Joey Fatone is married and has kids. I had no idea people still do the whole mail-order bride thing. You learn something new everyday.

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I don't know what Sean "Diddy" Combs does specifically, but I do know hes a pretentious jackass, and now I know that you're not allowed to approach him with even the most harmless of questions, even if your job is to ask people harmless questions.  For example, if you work at a restaurant, and he would like to come to your restaurant, and your job is to ask, "How many people in your party?"  Yeah that's no good apprently.  Page Six says:

A witness outside downtown hot spot GoldBar the other night said, "He walked right up to the door girl with four other people in his crew. When she asked him how many people he was with, Diddy just called her a 'fucking bitch' and opened the velvet rope and let himself through."

I think one problem might be that those ropes are made out of velvet.  That's not exactly an impenetrable force field.  They should make them out of electric barbed wire or dog doo on a stick.  Or maybe just have a guy standing there with a shovel and whenever retards think the rules don't apply to them, he whacks them in the nuts.  Basically, make your barrier out of anything except a thin rope that actually invites people to touch it, I guess is what I'm saying.

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Though nothing is said to be final just yet, OK! magazine is reporting today that Angelina Jolie will be let go as the face of St. Johns.  Angelina has been their primary model for about two years.  OK! says:

“Putting celebrities in campaigns is the biggest trend right now, everyone is doing it, but it didn’t work for St. John with Angelina," a fashion industry insider explains to OK!. "The people that wear St. John just didn’t relate to her.”
St. John’s collections are largely comprised of conservative suit outfits and are wardrobe staples of women such as Condoleeza Rice and Hillary Clinton.

Wait, what?  How the hell could they fire Angelina?  Granted those ads were kinda dopey but it wasn't Angelina's fault.  She makes that crap look as good as it's ever ever ever gonna look, she's a fantastic spokesperson.  Angelina Jolie could endorse a robot that sneaks up on you and punches you in the balls and I'd buy two, at least.

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Good news if you ever wanted to know exactly what Natalie Portmans ass looks like, because the short film "Hotel Chevalier" - starring Portman and Jason Schwartzman, directed by Wes Anderson as a companion piece to "the Darjeeling Limited" - is now online for free on iTunes (or you can download it for extra free from rapidshare here).  In the meantime, check out the NSFW screencaps here.  In the movie, Portman plays a girl who brushes her teeth, Schwartzman plays a mustachioed stranger with a nice hotel room, and I play a handsome Navy SEAL from the wrong side of the tracks, out to set things right with punches and the truth.  In the movie, you ask?  No, my friends, in my amazing real life.

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I’m not exactly sure who Kristin Bell is or what she’s done, but here she is wearing a bikini on the set of Heroes. Apparently her character has the ability to put on silly hats and pretend her hand is a gun. That’s a pretty neat power I guess. In a tough situation she could make a bank robber, I dunno, laugh to death.

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I'm not gonna lie to you, I've seen better ideas than to put Kristen Bell in a bikini.  And Paddington's hat.  I'm sure this would be the hottest scene of 1953, but relative to other stuff on TV, this is boring.  Although, to be fair, I'm not entirely sure who this chick is, so I guess you could say I'm not impressed.  These pictures are her on the set of "Heroes", which is another show I know nothing about.  From what I gather it's about superheroes, and they fight … umm … I don't know, illiteracy, I think.  Sounds like a pretty boring show.  I think a better show would be one about a chick with big boobs and long hair and we follow her on a heart warming journey to the shower.  Everyone can enjoy a show like that.

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Pam Anderson and Denise Richards star act have the camera pointed in their general direction in the upcoming comedy "Blond and Blonder", and now they may appear  in a naked shoot for Playboy as well.  The Sun UK says:

Reports in the US suggest the two blondes have been offered $1million to strip for Playboy… together.
A source told a US magazine: "Neither Pam nor Denise has committed yet, but they're seriously considering it."
Pammi met Denise on the set of Blonde And Blonder last year, where they became friends, and if Hugh Hefner gets his way, it looks like the pair could be about to get even closer.

This will probably happen because why the hell not.  Why wouldn't they get naked for a million dollars?  That's pretty much their thing.  It's like asking a dog to chase a squirrel for a million dollars, or me to leave a trail of broken hearts and broken bones.  To learn more about my erotic adventures of karate and intrigue, check out this months issue of Bad Ass Mother Fucker magazine.

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Kate Hudson went out for a stroll in New York City yesterday, but it looks like she’s missing something. I can’t quite put my finger on it. It’s something I usually look for in a woman. Personality? No, that can’t be it. In fact I’m pretty sure I just made that word up. It’s almost like there should be two objects in her general chest vicinity. And, in an ideal world, those objects should almost suffocate Kate when she jogs. Man, what are those things called?

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In case you were wondering how much Lindsay Lohan loves coke, she’ll stoop to hanging out with Steve-O to get it. And by get it, I mean steal it. Steve-O was on Howard Stern yesterday and told listeners about Lindsay’s heist. Page Six reports:

Lohan took what he called the “Boog Suge” from him after she forgot her wallet in his bathroom and came back to his place to get it. There’s even proof she was there - Lohan had to sign a release while at Steve-O’s house for a DVD he was filming at the time.

I just thought of a brilliant idea. CIA, listen up, you’ll want to hear to this: Somebody should tell Lindsay Lohan that Osama Bin Laden has a stray bag of blow hanging around - prime for the snatching. She’ll find him in five minutes flat. Bam! Terrorism solved. Whatever few Al Qaeda members are left, I’ll handle. When they come for Osama, I’ll simply flex and the sheer shockwave will send them careening into the cosmos. I really hope someone at the Pentagon is writing this down.

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