Katie Price went to Embassy and Movida nightclubs last night, then flashed her ass and pretty much made out with her sister, which is more than enough to earn a spot on this page, and in my heart.  It's refreshing to see how hard the pointless English celebrities try when it comes to winning me over.  Our pointless idiots like Nicole Richie and the Olsen Twins don't even do anything.  It seems to me if you're a high school dropout with dreams of fame and fortune, you should at least have to occasionally show me your vagina.

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Katie Price purposely flashed her panties outside of a London club last night. I guess since she’s getting a breast reduction, she figured she’d show off her vagina. Makes sense. But seriously, what is she even doing? Is there a toilet on that van or something and she really has to pee? Or is that a hemorrhoid
donut – Holy shit, it is! Whiskey. I need whiskey now! Pour it in my eyes! Hold on, brain, liquor’s coming! Don’t stop pouring until I forget my name. If I try to dry-hump the coffee table, that means it’s working.

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Briebart News says, "Evel Knievel, the hard-living motorcycle daredevil whose jumps over Greyhound buses, live sharks and Idaho's Snake River Canyon made him an international icon in the 1970s, died Friday. He was 69. He had been in failing health for years, suffering from diabetes and pulmonary fibrosis, an incurable condition that scarred his lungs."

I know any given X-Games will have faster bikes and sicker stunts and higher air, but this dude would jump insane shit with a ramp built from plywood and guesswork on a bike about as powerful as a modern toaster. That's why his jumps rarely worked and he failed so often, so magnificently.  Todays equivalent would be like if you taped some bottle rockets to your shoes and then jumped off your roof.  

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Lindsay Lohan and Riley Giles, the 25-year-old snowboarder she met while in drug rehab at Cirque Lodge in Utah, have broken up.  Lohan checked into the rehab in mid august and met Riley shortly after.  The two had been a public couple since Lohan left rehab October 5. People says:

"They're over – they've broken up," a source says. "They split after Thanksgiving weekend."
Adds another source: "She is concentrating on her life and her career."

People went on to say how handsome I look in winter colors, but that's hardly the point.  The point is how comical it was when Riley was talking about he and Lindsays long term plans last month.  He was getting super comfortable while Lindsay was getting super bored.  Apparently he thought he was so amazing that Lindsay was gonna change.  And if that's the case, go put on your life jacket and leash, because you're a fucking retard.

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Eva Mendes was spotted leaving a private gym in West Hollywood yesterday. It’s been rumored she’s pregnant, and I believe it. That’s definitely a baby bump she’s hiding behind her purse. Of course, I generally leave observations like that to a real doctor. I’m just a guy who likes to lay around the house all day drinking beer in a lab coat. I tell my girlfriend I’m learning way more than I would at any old medical school. Though I think when I broke my arm the other day and poured Ny-Quil on it she knew something was up. I knew I should’ve used Pepto-Bismol.

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Lindsay Lohan is finished with snowboarder Riley Giles. She ditched him after the two had a tumultuous Thanksgiving weekend that ended with Lindsay drinking. A source for E! News talks about what went down:

On why Lindsay ditched Riley:
“She got tired of him pouting all the time.”

On why Riley was such a pouty bitch:
“It was fine when they were in Utah, just the two of them. But then they returned to L.A. and Lindsay was shooting a movie, photographers followed them everyone, she had meetings with this agent, that publicist, this director. His ego couldn’t take it.”

On why Lindsay’s friends weren’t impressed:
“They thought he was unsophisticated and told her she should have left him in Utah with his snowboard. He never paid. Yeah, we know Lindsay is the rich and famous one, but come on. Be the man once in a while!”

“Being the man” in my book actually means never paying for a date. So, kudos, Riley Giles, you’ve won my respect. Unfortunately, you can’t rub my respect on your genitals to make them stop burning. NASA’s already tried. In the meantime, they’re seeing if my raw sexuality can fuel rockets, but so far, it’s only managed to stop bullets and make female scientists suddenly feel the urge to wear a bikini. Okay, that last part was a joke. *laughs* Female scientists. Could you imagine?

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Film Drunk and various other sources are reporting today that Australian model Megan Gale has been cast as Wonder Woman and Armie Hammer has been cast as Batman in the upcoming "Justice League of America" movie, directed by George Miller of "Mad Max" and "Happy Feet" fame.  Slash Film, AICN and JoBlo all confirm the Wonder Woman rumor, and IESB broke the Batman story:

IESB has gotten solid conformation that Armie Hammer has been cast in Justice League as none other the Dark Knight himself, Batman.
Clocking in at 6 foot 5 inches tall, Hammer certainly has the stature for the role, plus as an added bonus he's an amateur magician…I kid you not. If you're unfamiliar with his work he was in last weeks Desperate Houswives as Barrett.

I don't know who the hell those people are but as it turns out I don't really care because Gale is hot.  She's also incredibly easy to find naked pictures of, both professionally and personally, so I figure she's perfect.  It's not like Wonder Woman does anything anyway.  Her only powers were dressing slutty, an unbreakable lasso that broke constantly and bulletproof wrist bands that kept her wrists bulletproof while leaving her other 99 percent quite bullet friendly.

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The New York Post says today that Tila Tequila isn't really bi-sexual at all, despite the fact that her MTV dating show has her set up to choose between guys and girls to find a new partner.  Page Six says:

…it's "all a sham," says a source close to the show. "Tila has and has had a boyfriend for over a year, and she's not really bi. She's made out with some girls in her past, as all girls have, but she is not bi at all." Our insider claims that MTV works hard to pretend she's single and available because she refuses to break up with her boyfriend, "who's like five years older than her. This is a massive scam . . . That's why they are not continuing with the show [for a second season], because she won't dump him."

I love how plainly the source states that all girls have made out with other girls at some point.  Because of course they do.  Why wouldn't they?  That shit is hot.  I'm still not watching this crap though.  I have like 800 channels on my TV, and 400 of them are devoted to nothing but movies where hot girls give in to desire and learn erotic lessons.  There's only like 10 ugly Asian chicks in all of LA, yet MTV managed to find one and give her a show with militant dykes and poser dorks.  Maybe next they can have a show where fat people search for love.  "Hungry For Love" or something like that maybe.

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Britney Spears has already shot the video for the single "Piece Of Me" - that's her in the lower right, the video features several dozen doubles all dressed in blond wigs and sunglasses - but now she's part of an MTV contest asking viewers to shoot their own video, with the winning clip to be aired on "TRL"  (editors note - TRL is still on the air?  no fuckin way.)

The "Britney Spears Wants a Piece of You" contest launches on Monday, at which point MTV will open its vaults of the footage shot of the pop singer over the years, including interviews, red-carpet appearances and performances. Fans who want to get their Spielberg on can access the goods via the MTV Video Remixer. Pick the shots you like, mash them up and hit "send".

This sounded promising until the part where they tell you to use Britney clips.  If you use old Britney clips, that shit will just be depressing.  You might as well use footage of a little kid with cancer hugging a puppy, a puppy who also has cancer. A non-Britney Britney video would have been much much better.  Actually you could film a donkey starring at himself in the mirror for three minutes and that would be better than a video with todays version of Britney.

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Hulk Hogan is contesting his wife Linda Bollea’s request for alimony and states in a court filing that she can support herself and son Nick. That’s if Nick even wants to stay with his mom. The Herald Tribune reports:

Hogan’s petition, filed Wednesday under his real name of Terry Bollea, also says their son Nick, who is 17 and no longer a student, is old enough to decide which parent he wants to live with.
Hogan wants the couple’s assets and liabilities equitably distributed. He intends to continue the family’s health insurance coverage, the petition states.

Basically, what Hulk is saying is, “We’ll split our shit then you and your grotesquely large boobs are on your own.” That’s fair but firm. If I were the Hulk, I would have gone for a slightly different approach; namely keeping all my money then petitioning the judge for a scissor-kick to my wife’s face. It’s fair but full of face kicking, so everyone’s a winner. And by everyone, I mean me and my moustache comb made of gold.

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