Nicollette Sheridan enjoyed some more of her holiday vacation in St. Barts. She sported a new bikini then decided to do a little jogging ala Baywatch. They should really consider remaking that show and I nominate Nicollette for the role of Mitch. I know what you’re thinking: that’s a man’s role. But, if we’re to truly honor the artistry of David Hasselhoff, Mitch should be played by someone that has boobs both equally old yet awesome like the Hoff’s. Did I just say the Hoff’s breasts are awesome? You tell me.*

* Answer: Yes!

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David Beckham has no problem being worshipped by women and guys. In fact, he welcomes it, according to Page Six:

“I’m very honored to have the tag of gay icon,” the LA Galaxy soccer star told BBC radio. In fact, the strapping athlete is so comfortable with his masculinity, he lets his wife dress him. “Without a doubt, Victoria has a huge part in the way I look these days.”

Somewhere Tom Cruise read this and did a jig on top of a pot of gold. He’s already forgotten about those pesky kids stealing his Lucky Charms.

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Jamie Spears, father of Britney and Jamie Lynn, did not spend Christmas this year with his pregnant teenage daughter and ex-wife Lynne. He’s pissed that Lynne is profiting from Jamie Lynn’s pregnancy by selling photo rights to OK! Magazine for $1 million. Us Magazine reports:

“He doesn’t get a dime from his daughters,” the source says. “He busts his ass to take care of himself. That’s why he’s so furious with Lynne.”
Usmagazine.com reported last week, per a source close to the family, that Jamie “refused to take any money and ‘profit off of his children.’”

There’s not much profit of any kind to be made off Britney these days. She probably won’t even give you some of her Frappucino. I heard the last person who asked for a sip was found dead in a dumpster. The cops are pretty sure they can trace the pink wig hairs to Britney, but not until they modify their riot shields to deflect “cooch acid.” That’s a technical term used in the field. Seriously, I heard it on C.S.I. once.

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"The OC" and that's about it star Mischa Barton was arrested early this morning for DUI, possession of illegal narcotics and driving without a valid license, according to a report that first appeared on Hollyscoop.com.  TMZ adds:

(Barton) was pulled over early this morning around 2:45 AM as she was driving in West Hollywood, Calif., and is still in custody, being held on $10,000 bail.

People.com goes on to say that Barton is still scheduled to host the opening of a new Las Vegas restaurant called CatHouse over the weekend.  Hopefully they didn't pay her upfront, because Mischa will be drunk by 9 and carrying on and scooching her ass across the carpet because she thinks she's on fire by 10 at the latest.  Bravo, CatHouse, money well spent.

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Nicky Hilton is still in Hawaii for Christmas, and yesterday she looked a little better than she did the day before, mostly because her bikini no longer looks like a bunched-up diaper.  She actually has a good body for a spoiled racist, it's her stupid fat face that ruins everything.  She'd be pretty hot if you chopped off her head, but although I haven't actually checked, I have to assume it's illegal to F a decapitated dead girl, regardless of how much sexual tension there may between the two of you.

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On Christmas Eve, Riley Giles (the guy who dated Lindsay Lohan for 5 minutes after she left rehab) told the Brit tabloid News of the World that Lindsay was completely addicted to sex, and basically could never get enough.

He describes a mountain cabin getaway where the two went to escape rehab together.  He says they locked the door, tore off their clothes and went at it “like rabbits.”
News of the World writes that, “the wild-child actress craved marathon nights of lust as she broke off her lethal love affair with drink and cocaine.”
Giles directly quoted to them that, “Lindsay’s definitely a nymphomaniac. She’s wild in bed. We’d have sex a couple of times in the day and then go to it through the night… We once did it four times in a row straight. That was crazy. Lindsay was insatiable. She’d demand sex again and again. We’d go at it for hours. She’d have worn out most guys.”
“The first time we had sex I couldn’t believe I was looking down at Lindsay Lohan naked. We’d barely gotten through the door when we just ripped each other’s clothes off.”
“Lindsay is so hot. She has a great body. Her backside is fantastic, perfect, all plump and round.”
“She has great curves but her belly is nice and flat and toned. We couldn’t get enough of each other.”

Well she dumped his ass at Thanksgiving, so apparently she could get enough, but realizing this interview didn't make him look enough like a jackass, Riley then began phase two of his brilliantly concocted scheme.

Lindsay Lohan is having a bad week. First, her ex-boyfriend Riley Giles told Britain’s News of the World that Lohan “quit coke and got hooked on sex with me,” and now Giles is selling photos he took of Lohan while they were together.  On Dec. 26, dozens of magazine editors awoke to an e-mail from a well-known photo agency. The e-mail included several snapshots of Lohan in various states of undress, and boasted that the pics were “personal photos taken by Riley Giles while he was dating Lindsay Lohan."

This guy is a fuckup, but it's hard not to think that I wouldn't do the same thing.  I would just bang Lindsay endlessly for as long as I could then hold my hand up and wait for the world to high five me.  And I'd be all giddy, my interview would be an incoherent mess.  "I sex with Lindsay until ass again and again and I'm all like swallow it bitch."

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Mischa Barton was arrested today for DUI, possession of narcotics and driving with a suspended license, according to TMZ:

The former “O.C.” star was pulled over early this morning around 2:45 AM as she was driving in West Hollywood, Calif., and is still in custody, being held on $10,000 bail.

That’s bad. But not as bad as these photos of Mischa Barton unveiling the new line of Keds sneakers. I had no idea her career was that far in the toilet. After looking at these, I’m pretty much convinced her agent is a ham sandwich at this point.

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Fergie and Josh Duhamel got engaged sometime over the Christmas weekend. Their reps won’t confirm the exact date, but they say the two are officially getting married. E! News reports:

The proposal comes after Fergie told Blender earlier this month that she was in no real rush to get engaged because she and Duhamel were “practically married, anyway.”
“I’m madly in love with him,” she said of her now fiancé. “He understands how to treat a woman and give me respect.”

It’s official: Josh Duhamel hates his penis. This makes the tattoo on my chest no longer a random sentence that mysteriously appeared after a night of malt liquor. I can proudly go shirtless to family gatherings. Who’s the loser now, dad?

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Tiffany Pollard the star of VH1’s I Love New York is engaged to the season two winner George Weisgerber (a.k.a. Tailor Made). Tailor Made originally proposed to New York on the season finale, but she turned him down only to choose him as her true love in the final elimination. She decided after a second proposal to say “yes,” according to People:

Weisgerber, who was separated while taping the show and is currently finalizing his divorce, admits he “always had a crush” on Pollard, and thought it fate when casting for season two began. “She needs a guy who will treat her right and respects her and values her for who she is, he told PEOPLE recently. “Our personalities complete each other. I cherish her and want to cater to her every need. But I’m not a doormat. We have a good balance.”

Considering this gossip is based on a reality show, I question its entire validity. In fact, I’m convinced that New York is really a Muppet. You’d think they’d at least make her super-hot like Miss Piggy. God, I’d do things to that pig. If only that puppeteer’s arm wasn’t always in my way…

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Paris Hilton’s grandfather Barron Hilton has promised 97% of his $2.3 billion wealth to charity which includes his net worth and various trusts. Barron wants to see his money used for good after his passing and not have it wasted on Paris. Reuters reports:

Jerry Oppenheimer, who profiled the Hilton family in his 2006 book “House of Hilton,” has said Barron Hilton is embarrassed by the behaviour of his socialite granddaughter Paris and believes it has sullied the family name.

If I was Barron Hilton and I really wanted to make the world a better place, I’d use my vast wealth to finance the construction of a time machine. I’d travel 27 years into the past and push Paris’ pregnant mother down a flight of stairs. (Don’t worry. I’d give her a helmet.) Afterwards, I’d probably go even further back in time and meet Jesus so he could give me a well-deserved high-five. Then we’d get wasted and hunt dinosaurs with lasers I stole from the future.

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