Hulk Hogans new girlfriend looks almost exactly like his daughter Brooke.  Here they are at the airport, making Hitler beam with pride as his vision comes to life.

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George Clooney’s girlfriend Sarah Larson looks prim and proper on the red carpet, but these pics that surfaced of her go-go dancer days in Vegas say otherwise. Taken just before she met the Clooney in July, these photos show Sarah getting her drunk on in a bikini and practically doing a guy in the middle of a dance club. I’m not saying George Clooney knows how to pick ‘em, but this is a girl you take home to mom. Then have sex with in the linen closet. Ah, sweet romance.

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Gisele Bundchen helped launch the Vogue Eyewear Play Everyday Campaign in Ibiza, Spain. I’ve never been a big fan of Gisele. Something about her face normally suggests she used to be named Tim. That said, she is looking all kinds of sexy in these pics. In fact, I’m so sure her ass could cure cancer, I’ve sent my findings to the brain-children at Johns Hopkins.

UPDATE: This just in: Scientists at Johns Hopkins declare Gisele Bundchen’s butt is the miracle cure for cancer. Claim to have never spoken to The Superficial Writer. But do, however, have medical records that can prove he has world’s tiniest testicles, if he opens his yap. For reals, no jokes.

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This is nothing but more pictures of George Clooneys girlfriend at the pool at Hard Rock about a month before they met, but that ass of hers deserved it's own post.  And also it's own trophy in it's own divison in it's very own sport.  It doesn’t even makes sense that a girl could have an ass that nice.  And you know what else doesn’t make sense?  Love.

(go here to see all the pics, which by number 60 just turn into blatant lesbian porn)

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Star magazine is awesome, and according to them, the picture above is George Clooneys new girlfriend Sarah Larson.  Sarah was a cocktail waitress at the Palms in Vegas when they met, but apparently on the side she stuck her ass in the air and licked magazines.  Yaay!

"Sarah is outgoing and fun and loves to drink. She likes to get wasted when she goes out — but hey, that's what Vegas is all about!"
In one risqué set of photos taken in July 2007 — one month after she first met George, 46, at the Palms resort — Sarah, 29, is wearing a short dress and has her legs wrapped around a man holding her up against a wall in the middle of a crowded Vegas nightclub (see that picture here).
The next day, Sarah — who appears to be drunk — is pictured wearing a bikini at a huge, outdoor pool party at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino, kneeling on all fours with her backside in the air as she licks the cover of a magazine lying on the ground. She's also shown rolling around on the floor as she wrestles a bikini-clad blonde!
"That's our Sarah!" says the source. "She's not shy in the slightest."

I like that she's licking a girl on that magazine cover.  But then, I'm open to watching hot naked girls make out.  Probably because I'm so fancy and sophisticated.

SEXY UPDATE - new picture here, thanks to the handsome and mysterious Ahmad, who is smart enough to know beer cans work better right side up.  Unlike Sarah (in the glasses).  

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Audrina Patridge got naked and had someone take pictures of it when she was 19, which I truly admire, but white people need to knock it off with the Chinese lettering tattoos (close up of hers here).  I'm a big fan of white people and being white is terrific, but we're kind of dumb, and the overwhelming majority of us don't know how to use Chinese.  Her tattoo literally says "pork oil fry on rice".  God only knows WTF she thinks it means.  It turns out that guy above isn’t an expert on Chinese.  Shocking, yes?

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The Sun UK says today that Pete Doherty may be converting to Scientology, after getting a new girlfriend who is a follower of the religion based on dead aliens souls trapped her on earth.

Babyshambles frontman Pete, 29 — who once dated supermodel KATE MOSS — has bought a pile of books on the subject since meeting Scientologist DJ NADINE RUDDY.  And he has been leaving his Wiltshire mansion to stay at her home in Reading, Berks, at least once a week.

No one should be more religious than Pete Doherty, since really every day he's alive is a gift from God.  He's like Wolverine, you can't kill him, and our earth weapons only make him stronger.  When asked for a comment, Ivan Drago said, "he is not human, he is like a piece of iron."

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The reason Brett Michaels is on the VH1 show "Rock of Love" is because he was the lead singer for the 80's glam rock band Poison.  No one ever cares about the drummer, so no one made him a show that lines up whores to bang, so in this case he raped someone in Mississippi.   And this isn't really related, but remember that scene in "Evil Dead" where the girl gets raped by a tree.  WTF was that all about.  TMZ says…

(Rocket) was arrested on a rape warrant issued out of Mississippi as he arrived at LAX after getting off a flight from New Zealand, police said.
Rikki Rockett, 46, was arrested Monday at the airport and booked into the Los Angeles County Jail He was held on a strong-arm rape warrant stemming from Neshoba County, Mississippi, and appears to have been released from L.A. County custody, the Sheriff's Web site shows. His status today could not be confirmed.
Details about the warrant were not immediately available.

I think most people would agree that I'm the real victim here, because this forced me to try to find a picture of Rikki Rocket.  I don’t have any of those, so please enjoy "Rape of the Sabine Women", by Schönfeld, which I prefer to the more popular version by Rubens.  My zest for life continues to overcome!

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Page Six says that the money paid for the first pictures of celebrity babies is about to reach a new unimaginable level.  After People paid Jennifer Lopez 6 million for the first pictures of her twins, it's said the pictures for the twins of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt may fetch 10 million dollars.

One magazine editor who asked to remain anonymous said, "It's at the point now where some stars might decide to have more kids just to collect the money from their photos."
Pregnant stars are now "treating this like a game," said National Enquirer Executive Editor Barry Levine.
"It's become big business now," Levine said. "It's outrageous, they've gotten very sophisticated. The rights are bought up now even before the celeb enters the hospital. They hire extra security so it's impossible to obtain a photo illegally."

These kids better be pretty fuckin cute if someone is paying 10 million dollars. These pictures better be adorable.  There better be one of them with little angel wings, one in a pelicans mouth, one in a little doctors outfit, and one where they're getting kisses from a basset hound puppy.  Actually, for 10 million you better get all that plus a DVD of the conception.

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Let’s say you’re Aubrey O’Day of Danity Kane. You’ve got a hit CD and a huge performance last night at Opera Nightclub in Hollywood. Who do you show up with? She figured “How do you lose with Jenna Jameson?” Makes sense in a retarded sort of way. Anyway, Aubrey was also recently hanging out with Kim Kardashian, so maybe she’s looking into adult films. If Jenna Jameson is, finally, passing the torch to Aubrey O’Day, tell the Elders of Porn they have my vote. *RAWR* Sorry, pal, I didn’t want to speak for all of us. Make that two votes - counting my wiener.

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