Every election it seems the idiot hippies in Hollywood have to make these insane proclamations that they’ll leave the country if someone they don’t like gets elected.  This time the enemy is John McCain, and the first one on a private jet to Europe will apparently be Susan Sarandon.  The Post says…

She says if John McCain gets elected, she will move to Italy or Canada. She adds, "It's a critical time, but I have faith in the American people."

If this sounds familiar it's because similar quotes were attributed to her in 2004, and 2000.  Eddie Vedder, Alec Baldwin, and Robert Altman all made very famous statements about this, and Martin Sheen, Rosie O'Donnell, Matt Damon, Whoopi Goldberg, Ed Asner and Tim Robbins all reportedly made candid remarks claiming the same thing (source).  Well la-di-da.  Good. Get the fuck out.  Move.  Go.  Go right now.  What did you think, that we’d be all sad and shit?  I'm sure the class of car I get run over by at 4am with some drunk behind the wheel will decrease immeasurably if all the actors move away, but that’s a chance I’m willing to take.

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I’ve been trying for like 20 hours to find a decent copy of Prince at Coachella doing a cover of "Creep" by Radiohead, but it's impossible because Prince is a temperamental fairy and he told his record label to remove every copy they find, even though he didn’t shoot the video and he very obviously doesn’t own the song. The Huff Post says…

After word spread that Prince covered Radiohead's "Creep" at Coachella, the tens of thousands who couldn't be there ran to YouTube for a peek. Everyone was quickly denied - even Radiohead. In a recent interview, Thom Yorke said he heard about Prince's performance from a text message and thought it was "hilarious." Yorke laughed when his bandmate, guitarist Ed O'Brien, said the blocking had prevented him from seeing Prince's version of their song. "Really? He's blocked it?" asked Yorke, who figured it was their song to block or not. "Surely we should block it. Hang on a moment." Yorke added: "Well, tell him to unblock it. It's our song."

This whole thing does bring up some interesting questions about copyright and digital ownership. The other day a reporter asked me what I thought about new media and whether old copyright laws can still apply. So I asked him about new media and whether old copyright laws can still apply. Two can play this little game.

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Britney Spears is “not yet fit” to participate in court hearings regarding her conservatorship. To bring everyone up to speed, after Brit’s second trip to Crazytown Mental Ward, her father Jamie was placed in control of her estate and is actually doing a bang-up job. Britney’s attorney Samuel Ingham spent 90 minutes yesterday talking to Commissioner Reva Goetz, according to the AP:

Ingham told the court afterward that Spears’ medical condition is “fluid” because her treatment is changing.
Spears’ probate case is scheduled to go to trial July 31, but Ingham said it could be “harmful” for her to participate. Goetz agreed and said Spears’ diagnosis is not complete.

So just so I have this straight: Britney is unable to hear about her finances, but is allowed to have sex with her agent. Is Jamie Spears making sure her vagina stays open for the summer? If so, smart move what with it being vacation season and all. There’s never a more bonding experience than packing up the fam in a camper and visiting our national parks and vaginas. God bless Jamie Spears.

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It's not exactly like Harvey Korman was still working in movies and churning out really funny stuff, but he was so damn funny for so long, it still sucks that he passed away yesterday after complications from the rupture of an abdominal aortic aneurysm four months ago. Whatever the hell that means. He should have died from something funnier. Like slipping on a banana peel or getting whacked in the face with a beaver. I bet he would have wanted that. The AP says…

Harvey Korman, the tall, versatile comedian who won four Emmys for his outrageously funny contributions to "The Carol Burnett Show" and played a conniving politician to hilarious effect in "Blazing Saddles," died Thursday. He was 81.
"A world without Harvey Korman — it's a more serious world," Mel Brooks told the AP on Thursday.
"I gave him tongue twisters because I knew he was the only one who could wrap his mouth around them," Brooks said. "Harvey was such a good solid actor that he could have done Shakespearean drama just as well and easily as he did comedy."
"You could get rock-solid comedy out of him. He could lift the material. He always made it real, always made it work, always believed in characters he was doing," he said.

Korman was like Will Arnett or Paget Brewster or Bernie Mac or someone like that in the sense that everything he said was ten times funnier than it really was.  Those people just make stuff funny.  Whereas someone like Cameron Diaz or Jennifer Anniston just sit there like a fucking lox and ruin everything.  And yet they’re considered "funny".  Because someone else wrote a joke.  God I hate them.  I'm not saying to punch Cameron Diaz in her stupid toothy face, but I’m also not not saying to punch her in her stupid toothy face.

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Steven Tyler is claiming his recent stint in rehab was only to recover from foot surgery and not drug and/or alcohol related. Did I miss a memo about it being Celebrity Bullshit Excuses for Rehab Week? Jesus. Anyway, for those of you who actually care about Aerosmith, here’s Steven’s formal statement to People:

“The doctors told me the pain in my feet could be corrected but it would require a few surgeries over time,” Tyler says in a statement released Thursday. “The ‘foot repair’ pain was intense, greater than I’d anticipated. The months of rehabilitative care and the painful strain of physical therapy were traumatic. I really needed a safe environment to recuperate where I could shut off my phone and get back on my feet. Make no mistake, Aerosmith has no plans to stop rocking. There’s a new album to record, then another tour.”

Foot surgery? Give me a break. Why couldn’t he just say it was depression? Oh, right, Kirsten Dunst used that… Why couldn’t he just say it was foot surgery?

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Coming in from so far out of left-field I thought it was a football is Sarah McLachlan in a bikini. I gotta admit I fostered a secret crush on Ms. McLachlan seen here vacationing in Maui. In college my computer was loaded with MP3’s of her songs in case I ever tricked seduced a girl into my dorm room for some makin’ out. Sadly, that dream never transpired. It would’ve been better than ice cream! See? I even remember the words. Now, what’s it take for me to touch a boob? I’ll even be romantic about it. (Read: Not yell “Yippee!” then immediately write in my online journal.)

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Honest Injun, heeding your cries, I’ve been exercising a moratorium on Heidi and Spencer’s horribly retarded candid (but really posed) shots. However, drastic times call for drastic measures. And I’d like to point you to the two drastic measures above. I’m going to step away from my keyboard now because I never type angry/aroused. *SMASH!* Shiiiit, I just knocked over my cubicle. Geekologist, are you alright? I was editing Heidi photos and- Hey! Eyes up here, bud. Nothing technological going on down there. That’s simply nature. And, okay, plutonium.

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Mariah Carey threw out the opening pitch at the Yomiuri Giants vs Rakuten Eagles match at the Tokyo Dome yesterday, and let’s just say it was the most impressive display of baseball I’ve ever seen in my life. Lord knows why she became a singer and not a professional pitcher. Seriously though, you’d think she would’ve prepared a little before showing up. It’s like instead of practicing throwing balls, she decided to just break both her arms to make sure they wouldn’t function correctly. She could’ve dropped the ball and sort of nudged it with her foot and it would’ve been just as impressive.

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Coming in from so far out of left-field I thought it was a football is Sarah McLachlan in a bikini. I gotta admit I fostered a secret crush on Ms. McLachlan seen here vacationing in Maui. In college my computer was loaded with MP3’s of her songs in case I ever tricked seduced a girl into my dorm room for some makin’ out. Sadly, that dream never transpired. It would’ve been better than ice cream! See? I even remember the words. Now, what’s it take for me to touch a boob? I’ll even be romantic about it. (Read: Not yell “Yippee!” then immediately write in my online journal.)

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After making out on P. Diddy’s boat, everyone knows the next step in a same-sex relationship is to introduce your families. But make sure the making out on Diddy’s boat happens first. Otherwise you’re doomed from the get-go. Fortunately, Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson know how this crazy game called “Love” works. People reports:

The duo – who are “together,” a source says in the new issue of PEOPLE – were spotted Wednesday afternoon lunching with Ronson’s writer-mom, Ann Dexter-Jones and Lohan’s sister Ali, 14, at the Italian restaurant Gino’s on Manhattan’s Upper East Side.
Throughout the meal, the group engaged in a spirited session of girl talk, the source adds.

I love how Ali walks around in these photos trying to cover her face with her hair, and it’s not because of Lindsay. She’s only 14 and has no clue what a frisb-ian is. Ali’s just hoping no one recognizes her from her mom’s show Living Lohan. So, who wants to tell Ali she has a better chance getting attacked by a real live leprechaun? And not just because Tom Cruise is in town. Hi-oh! I’ll be here all week, folks.

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