Pulling a page from the Michael Jackson playbook, Clay Aiken has knocked up a woman - but without dealing with her “icky parts.” The mother-to-be is a record producer in her late-40’s that has worked on several of Clay’s albums. TMZ has the breaking news:

Multiple sources tell us the mother is Jaymes Foster, a record producer and Clay’s best friend. He lives at her home when he’s in L.A.
We’re told Foster, who produced several Aiken CDs, is due in August. She’s the sister of record mogul David Foster. We’re told she’s in her late 40’s, though we could not confirm her exact age. She divorced a few years back and has no kids. Aiken is 29.
We’re told Foster was artificially inseminated. But Clay is a lot more than sperm — we’re told he will have an active role in raising the child.

Clay Aiken often tries to play down the rumors that he’s gay. But you know what works against that? Knocking up a chick without having vaginal intercourse. That’s sort of the man-meat and potatoes, if you will, of being straight. If a guy is going to be stuck with a kid for the rest of his life, he oughta at least have a story to tell involving whiskey and a trucker named Mabel. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to post-date a child support check. How do you spell “January 2020?”

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Many of you have probably heard that Dunkin’ Donuts pulled an ad featuring Rachael Ray because she looks “too Arab-y.” Apparently, her scarf set the right-wing blogs a-buzzing who decided to wage war on my beloved Dunkin’ until they pulled the ad. Bloodied and beaten, the purveyors of sweet fried bread that fuel my morning gave in, according to the Boston Globe:

The Canton-based company has abruptly canceled an ad in which the domestic diva wears a scarf that looks like a keffiyeh, a traditional headdress worn by Arab men. Some observers, including ultra-conservative Fox News commentator Michelle Malkin, were so incensed by the ad that there was even talk of a Dunkin’ Donuts boycott.
‘‘The keffiyeh, for the clueless, is the traditional scarf of Arab men that has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad,’’ Malkin yowls in her syndicated column.
‘‘Popularized by Yasser Arafat and a regular adornment of Muslim terrorists appearing in beheading and hostage-taking videos, the apparel has been mainstreamed by both ignorant and not-so-ignorant fashion designers, celebrities, and left-wing icons.’’

Dunkin’ Deeznuts issued the following statement after pulling the terror-inducing ad. (Holy shit, she’s got a latte! Duck!):

Said the suits in a statement: ‘‘In a recent online ad, Rachael Ray is wearing a black-and-white silk scarf with a paisley design. It was selected by her stylist for the advertising shoot. Absolutely no symbolism was intended. However, given the possibility of misperception, we are no longer using the commercial.’’

The only jihad that scarf makes me want to commit is against my hangover - with sweet caffeine. And if that’s not American, shit, I don’t know what is. That said, I’ll assume for their next commercial Rachael Ray, clad in the Stars and Stripes, will fire an AK at a Boston Creme - then dump scalding hot lattes on a gay wedding. Wow, I should work in advertising. I would sell stuff’s face off.

Thanks to BK for the “hot tip.” Get it? Hot? Like coffee. Comedy!

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Considering I had absolutely no expectations for what 40-year-old Sarah McLachlan would look like in a bikini, like she was yesterday in Hawaii, I guess you could say seeing Sarah McLachlan in a bikini has exceeded all expectations.  She doesn’t look great or anything, but she looks ok for 40, and big tits are the great equalizer.  They can make an average girl sexy, and turn that frown upside down.  They just make girls more tolerable.  It’s science.

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Bill Murray’s wife of more than 10 years, Jennifer Murray, filed a complaint in court against the actor. She alleges he physically assaulted her and suffers from severe drug and alcohol addictions. She’s citing the complaint as grounds for divorce and is also seeking to have their prenuptial agreement nullified because of Bill’s abusive behavior. The Charleston Post and Courier reports:

According to the complaint, Jennifer Murray moved into a Sullivan’s Island home in 2006 with the couple’s four children due to her husband’s “adultery, addiction to marijuana and alcohol, abusive behavior, physical abuse, sexual addictions and frequent abandonment.”

Jennifer also provided details of the times Bill assaulted her, including an incident where he allegedly hit her in the face and then told her she was lucky he didn’t kill her:

It was at the Sullivan’s Island home, according to the complaint, that Murray allegedly abused his wife in November 2007. The six-page court filing says Murray “hit his wife in the face and then told her she was ‘lucky he didn’t kill her.’ “

It’s always awesome when jackass celebrity wife-beaters suddenly think they’re nefarious super-villains: “Yeah, see, I could kill you and get away with it. So wise up, yeah.” Let’s take a moment to thank O.J. for this advance in domestic abuse. And by thank I mean hope he gets herpes. In the meantime, how big of an A-hole is Bill Murray? Assuming any of this turns out to be true, I’m leaning towards colossal.

UPDATE: TMZ has a statement from Bill Murray’s lawyer: “Bill Murray is deeply saddened by the dissolution of his marriage to Jennifer. Mr. and Mrs. Murray remain loving parents, committed to the best interests of their children. Mr. Murray asks that the public respect his family’s privacy at this difficult time.” I’m not a lawyer, but shouldn’t they have denied the allegations?

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George Clooney has apparently decided to heed the advice of a mystery caller and kicked girlfriend Sarah Larson to the curb, according to a source for People:

Larson, 29, and Clooney, 47, made their public debut together at the Venice and Deauville film festivals last September. Later that month, the twosome were injured in a motorcycle accident.
Earlier this year, Larson accompanied Clooney to the Oscars – the first girlfriend ever to go with him to the event.

Sarah Larson is quite the party girl, but George Clooney is looking for someone that’s more his style. And that style would be young, hot, adventurous and evaporates after exactly 87 rounds of intercourse. Unfortunately, Sarah not only stuck around way past 100 but had the audacity to suggest George should buy an ottoman. An ottoman? Why don’t you just call his mother a whore while you’re at it, lady? Sheesh. Some nerve…

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While this comes as a shock to absolutely no one, Ashlee and Pete Wentz finally confirmed they have a bun in the oven last night on their website FriendsOrEnemies.com:

“While many have speculated about this, we wanted to wait until after the first trimester to officially confirm that we are expecting our first child. This is truly the most joyous time in our lives and we are excited to share the happy news and start our family.”

- Pete and Ashlee Wentz

This news confirms that their asshat video about making a baby was, in fact, a sad indicator of the future. Super duper. I’m overjoyed for their unborn fetus. Go ahead and take a good look at your father, kid. I believe there’s a technical term for your situation. What was it again? Oh, right: UNBELIEVABLY FUCKED. Best of luck to you, Baby Wentz.

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Sarah Jessica Parker and the girls dazzled New York last night at the premiere of Sex and the City: The Movie. And by dazzled I mean these broads look ridiculous. For a show that’s about fashion you’d figure they’d at least look somewhat hot and not like my high school prom if everyone was 40. All that said, I present to you, for your mocking pleasure, the lovable characters of Sex and the City: HorseFace, Slutty Cougar, The One Who Used to Be Hot Five Years Ago and Does it Matter?

Enjoy!

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You may find this hard to believe, because it's stupid, but the reason you’re looking at a giant bumblebee made out of legos is because that's what Pete Wentz gave Ashlee Simpson for a wedding present.  No really.  Splash News Online says…

Pete commissioned artist Nathan Sawaya to make the "Lego Bee" which measures 26ins by 47ins by 36ins and is made from about 18,000 standard Lego bricks. New York based Nathan said: "I was commissioned to create a bee. Why a bee? Because it is romantic of course. "In Hindu myth, Kama, the god of love, has a bow and arrows, and the bow string is made up of bees. In the ancient Greek world the bee symbolized the soul because they migrated in swarms. And the Roman god of love, Cupid, is often pictured with bees or being stung. "I made this bee for a boy who wanted to give his girl a special wedding gift.

I will bet you a thousand dollars that at some point Pete said, "will you BEE my wife?"  Or "Will you marry me HONEY!"  Or some other bee related pun.  Because he’s an idiot.  And idiots just live for moments like that.

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Following Sharon’s Stones interview last week where she asked if Chinas earthquake, which so far has claimed 80,000 lives, was karma because the Chinese government is mean to one of her friends, Christian Dior has pulled advertisements featuring Stone from stores across China.  Reuters says…

"Due to some customer reaction we have decided to pull her image from all of the department stores and from all of China," Christian Dior China said in a statement.
Stone has a modeling contract with the cosmetics arm of the luxury retailer for which newly rich China is a fast-growing market.
"We just want our customers and fans to realize that her personal comments are not related to the company and of course we don't support any type of commentary that will hurt the feelings of our customers," Dior said.
The Beijing Times reported that Chinese cinemas would not show Stone's films, though China already strictly limits the number of foreign movies it distributes in theatres.

I saw Sharon Stone at the dog park off Mullholland one time and she had a big long coat and big dark sunglasses and a hat pulled way down.  And the hat said "Basic Instinct" on it.  God I hate this bitch.  She might as well have worn Christmas lights around her neck.   "Look at me everyone!!!"

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Apparently, Amy Winehouse will open her door and autograph random objects for children. In this case, a copy of Donkey Kong Jungle Beat for the GameCube. Awesome. So not only are this kid’s parents stupid enough to let him near Impetigo Face, but they won’t even spring for a Wii. When he grows a third arm after this encounter, they’ll be sorry. In the meantime, tell me that’s not a precious face. It practically screams “Mummy, I can feel me eyes burning!” Which, coincidentally, is what happened moments later. Ha ha! Kids are hilarious.

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