Megan Fox has a really good reputation in town and is said to be extremely nice and easy to deal with, so it’s a little surprising to hear that she's using her new power on the set of "Transformers 2".  Hollywood.com says…

The super sweet and humble Megan Fox knows she’s the star of ‘Transformers 2′ and ain’t letting no hoes take away her spotlight.
Star Magazine reports that she has banned producers from casting other attractive brunette actresses in the sequel.
A spy says, "Megan is definitely the star of the sequel, and she wants to keep it that way. It’s fine with her if there are hot blondes in the film, but she’s made it clear that she doesn’t want any brunettes."

This is boring but I was thinking over the weekend that a good way to gauge how hot a chick is would be to figure how long she would have to be dead before you would not have sex with her.  So I ran the numbers through the computer and it turns out Megan Fox is the big winner.  She could be dead for almost three days and I'd still fuck her.  So congratulations Megan Fox.  You must be honored.  It must be exciting to know that even after you die, you and I can still get it on.

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It used to be that pictures of Britney Spears in various states of nudity just sort of happened.  She would swing her legs too high as she got out of a car or not realize her shirt was see-thru.  But these new pictures from last night in West Hollywood are a bit of a stretch.  The paparazzi appear to just be taping down the button and throwing the camera at her.  This is like video you see from inside of car crashes.  I don’t even know what that last picture is.  Does she have a tail?  If you edited out the dress and just showed someone that, they would say it was the surface of mars or something.  Anything but a famous stars vagina.

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I wasn’t going to post these to save you from, well, having to look at them, but here’s Britney Spears showing off her panties in Los Angeles over the weekend. Maybe ’showing off’ isn’t the right choice of words here, since the photographers are basically sticking their hands up her skirt. I’m not sure why any reasonable human being would attempt to zoom in on Britney Spears’ butthole like that, but this is the paparazzi we’re talking about. I guess we should just be thankful they stopped there. Also, what the hell is going on with the texture of Britney Spears’ private area? It looks like somebody decided to replace her vagina with a dirty old man’s armpit.

NOTE: Pics might be NSFW, depending on how you classify the horrible-looking area around Britney Spears’ taint.

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Back in May it was announced that Will Smith was investing 1 million dollars into the foundation of a private grade school in Calabasas, California.  Smith said it would stress things like low fat meals and non-traditional course work such as Yoga, Technology, Etiquette and Robotics, but many inferred it would be nothing but a Scientology indoctrination camp.  Like I did just now for example.  But today school administrators say again that this is not the case.  The AP says…

Smith and his wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, have founded the New Village Academy, scheduled to open in September.
The school will use instructional methods developed by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard called study technology. And a few teachers belong to the church.
But the couple say they are not Scientologists, and the academy's director insists the facility has no religious affiliation.
"We are a secular school, and just like all nonreligious independent schools, faculty and staff do not promote their own religions at school or pass on the beliefs of their particular faith to children," New Village Academy director Jacqueline Olivier told the Los Angeles Times.

People would hate scientologists a lot less if they weren’t so damn shady.  They follow the writings of a guy who told them to fight UFOs and battle invisible demons.  Fine.  Don't flatter yourself.  No one cares.  Do whatever you want, but don’t get all pissy when people point out that your religion is laugh-out-loud stupid.  This school should be what they are, and the teachers should dress like MIB and Jedis and Star Fleet and walk real stiff like robots and make "beep beep boop" sounds.  Mostly because that would be awesome. 

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I really don’t know what to say about these pics of porn star Bridget the Midget’s flashing a boob this weekend. Mostly because I’m disappointed a unicorn didn’t fly out of her cleavage like these doodles I made on my Trapper Keeper. Although, technically, I believe Bridget’s obligated to at least shoot gold coins out of her nipple, if my interpretation of midget law isn’t mistaken. Which it could be because they write so. Damn. Small.

NOTE: Pics link to NSFW version including one of Bridget’s tattoo of a dollar bill that’s cleverly replaced George Washington with, well, here’s a hint: that’s not a flower.

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Nereida Gallardo continues her vacation in Italy with soccer star boyfriend Cristiano Ronaldo. At some angles, Nereida looks absolutely banging. While in others, Holy crap, cellulite. But I’m willing to look past all that because I’m a sensitive guy who drinks a lot and had sex with a a toaster last night. I’ve got nowhere to go but up. (Provided the coffeepot stops giving me “the eye.”) That said; Nereida, quit smoking and hit the treadmill. Otherwise you’ve got a future ahead of you filled with sarongs and choreographed butt-flexing like someone I know. Let’s just say her name rhymes with “Kim Kardashian” and leave it at that.

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Heidi Montag is a devout Christian and wish people knew more about her faith. But you don’t hear much of that because she’s too busy posing in pictures that could only be used as Aryan greeting cards. But in between displaying her funbags, Heidi has a deep spiritual side that she shared with USA Today. Let’s take a look at Heidi’s ability to form thoughts which will make you cringe because of the fact her uterus is fertile and capable of reproduction:

On how she’s just like Jesus but with implants:
“There were rumors about a sex tape, but I had nothing to do with that. God knows the truth in all of this, and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I’m going to get persecuted, ya know? But it doesn’t matter to me.”

On her and Spencer’s faith and surprising ability to read:
Montag identifies herself as “kind of non-denominational Baptist” and hopes to release a Christian album one day. Both she and Pratt read the Bible conscientiously. “I have been the most religious person since I was 2 years old. I always felt this crazy connection to God.”

On traveling to Africa - Paris Hilton style:
This August, she and Pratt are headed to Africa to “feed children and help build things.” Cameras will capture their trek, but not for The Hills.

Heidi also plans on releasing a Christian music album and you know what? I couldn’t think of a better market for her. SNAP! Did I just burn religion and Heidi in one sentence? I think I did. Who’s Jesus now? Eh? If you’ll excuse me, I need to go turn the water cooler into wine.

UPDATE: Didn’t work so I just poured vodka in. That’s in The Bible too.

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Lindsay Logan still hasn’t publically commented on her lesbian relationship with Samantha Ronson, although the two were again caught holding hands when Lindsay left the set of her movie "Labor Pains" yesterday.  Samantha should be ashamed of herself.  Lindsay Lohan is not gay.  She’s just lonely and fucked up.  It's like when I have sex with 8 models at once.  It’s a cry for help. My heart aches for true love.

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Jessica Simpson’s publicist probably framed the “Real Girls Love Meat” shirt because it is really pissing people off. Nobody important, of course, just PETA and now Pamela Anderson. She decided to use some choice words this weekend to describe Jessica on an Australian radio show. The Sun reports:

“I think she is a bitch and whore. Actually, I don’t know if she was talking about food or men.”

Knowing Jessica Simpson she was probably talking about Hot Wheels. Maybe these two should put aside their differences, and, I’m just spitballing ideas here, press their bare breasts together. You know, for the children - and world peace. Yeah, whatever I just said: Jujubes. They should really let me work at the U.N. I’ve got answers to stuff.

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Anne Hathaway’s break-up with Raffaello Follieri may have been timed a little too conveniently. A friend of the Italian con-man believes Anne cooperated with the Feds in helping them arrest Raffaello, according to NY Daily News:

“It makes sense,” the friend said. “She’s referred to as his former girlfriend in the indictment even though her spokesman never confirmed they broke up.”
Hathaway, who is not identified by name in the criminal complaint, split with Follieri shortly before his arrest last week. He is charged with posing as an agent of the Vatican to fleece investors out of millions.
“I think that in return for her cooperation, the feds held off on arresting Follieri until she was out of the country,” the friend said.

I guess Anne Hathaway started to realize something was amiss when Raffaello suggested they add role-playing to their routine. He would pretend he was a priest while conducting real estate transactions and, she’d pretend she didn’t want to sleep with the fishes if she ever opened her mouth. It was exciting at first, but Anne wanted to switch things up a bit. She’d be a naughty meter maid, and he’d be Zach Braff’s Italian brother: Denzel Washington.

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