On February 1st, Jamie Spears was named the conservator of his daughter Britney’s estate, and despite of lifetime of inept parenting up until that point, there’s no denying that Britney Spears seems better off because of it.  She just seems healthier.  Less crazy.  And today a judge saw no reason to mix things up just yet, and named Jamie as conservator until December 31st of this year (source = people.com).  This would seemingly guarantee there will be no more of her head-shaving, paparazzi -attacking, vagina-flashing antics.  I’ve got two words for Jamie Spears: poison cookies.  I'll get you for this you bastard!

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Suddenly, Jennifer Aniston’s nipple sonar went off: Somebody was popping nips and their names wasn’t Jennifer Aniston.

And then it happened: Jennifer Aniston’s assistant, clearly gone suicidal, attempted to block the nipples with her purse. Her body would later be found in a sand dune on a Mexican beach. The police deduced the culprit’s identity by the two punctures wound in the back, but who would dare prosecute? Anyone worth their badge knew you didn’t go after the nipples. Not in this town. Not in any town…

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Jamie Spears will continue his conservatorship of Britney until the end of the year. The commissioner extended Jamie’s control of Britney’s estate during a hearing this afternoon, but left it open to early termination. (Read: Once Britney can put on her clothes like a big girl, she gets her bank account back.) E! Online reports:

“Regarding the conservatorship of the person, I understand that Ms. Spears is reluctantly agreeing to extend those letters,” Goetz said. “We are extending them until Dec. 31, 2008.”
A status hearing for the extended order has been set for Oct. 28.

My sources tell me Britney’s reluctance was easily won over when her dad promised her pony. Except after the hearing he said “Just kidding” and took her to the dentist.

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Despite these pictures of him making out with a topless Sienna Miller two weeks ago in Italy, and a public declaration last week that his marriage is over and has been for months, TMZ says today that Balthazar Getty is trying desperately to reconcile with his wife.  To her great credit, she is so far unmoved.

As we first reported, after Getty was caught out in the open with a buck naked Sienna Miller, Getty had been emailing wifey Rosetta, "I love you."
Now, in the "You Should Bottle that Chutzpah" department, we've learned Getty continues to send a flurry of emails to Rosetta, the mother of his 4 children. In the emails Getty writes, "I love you," "I miss you," and says he wants to move back into the house. He does not say if he's cut off his relationship with Sienna.
We're also told Balthazar has been calling Rosetta incessantly. She refuses to answer and he hangs up. In short, she wants nothing to do with him.
And the plot thickens. We're told the people on his show, "Brothers and Sisters," for the most part have voiced support for Rosetta. And, we're told, Getty's own family is "solidly behind her," calling the he-homewrecker "disgusting."

It is pretty brazen to make out with a topless blond chick on a lake in Italy and then ask for your wife to take you back, but in his defense, that seems like fun.

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The Sun UK says today that the mystery guy in these pictures is Britney’s bodyguard/new boyfriend, a former Israeli soldier known so far only as "Lee".

A source said: “Britney and Lee hit it off immediately.  He is her perfect type. She loves guys who work out and he is in great shape from his days serving in the Israeli Army.  He also has a few tattoos, which she loves. They’ve spent so much time together that one thing led to another and their relationship became physical.  They are in Mexico together. They’ve been having a great time — Lee’s put a smile on her face.”

Eww.  The idea of banging Britney at this point is gross, I don’t care what she looks like.  The corral of retards that have already been in that is discouragement enough.   That list of guys is like something a girl would do if she hated her vagina and wanted to punish it.  She might as well just attack it with her shoe.

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Rihanna hit the clubs last night in New York City and apparently decided to fly sans bra. These pics might be considered LSFW depending on your boss’ vision. If he clearly sees nipples, that man’s in the wrong line of work and should be a goddamn Army sniper. I’ve been staring at these things for hours like it’s a Magic Eye picture. So far all I’ve seen is a tugboat, two polar bears kissing and Edgar Winter.

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Hey, remember this guy? Sam Lutfi a.k.a. Douchebeard McDrugYourDrinks. Well, it turns out the restraining order requiring him to stay 250 yards away from Britney Spears expires today. The order will not be renewed, but Britney’s lawyer issued the following public statement to Douchebeard letting him know what the fuck’s up. The AP reports:

“Britney has made clear to everyone that she does not want to be further harassed or contacted in any way by Osama ‘Sam’ Lutfi, now or at anytime in the future,” Spears’ attorney Samuel D. Ingham III said in a statement to The Associated Press.
“During the temporary conservatorship, the conservators have the power to insure that Lutfi will not harm Britney anymore. If Mr. Lutfi makes any future attempt to contact Britney after the temporary conservatorship has concluded, Britney has made clear she will take all appropriate legal action.”

Did Britney really make it clear she’ll “take all appropriate legal action”? I doubt she knows what one of those words even mean. Here’s a more likely scenario: “If Mr. Lutfi attempts to contact Britney, Britney will take actions including, but not limited to, sticking a bucket of KFC over her head then running into a wall. Britney also reserves the right to say ‘Whoop whoop whoop whoop!’ prior to impact.”

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New York Yankee Alex “A-Rod” Rodriguez’s lawyers responded to Cynthia Rodriguez’s divorce petition today. Cynthia was asking for “the couple’s $12 million waterfront estate and ‘equitable distribution’ of all assets acquired during the marriage.” Except she signed a prenup which A-Rod is sticking to. He’s also pushing to have allegations of extramarital affairs stricken from the record because Florida is a no-fault divorce state making the claims “immaterial and impertinent.” Also, he doesn’t want it legally documented that he banged Madonna. NY Daily News reports:

Rodriguez, whose 10-year, $275 million contract with the Yankees makes him baseball’s highest-paid player, says several times in the response he wants the prenup enforced.
“Husband denies any duty to support wife beyond those obligations specifically set out in the parties’ prenuptial agreement,” the papers say. What those terms are wasn’t immediately known, but apparently they don’t suit Cynthia. If he has to go to court to fight her challenge to the prenup and wins, he says he’s entitled to recover from his wife any “reasonable attorney’s fees and costs” he incurs.

It sounds like A-Rod doesn’t fuck around. Not counting all those strippers and the Crypt Keeper.

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The New York Daily News says today that Tom Cruise has been named in a $250 million federal lawsuit against the Church of Scientology.  Hahahaha, you suck Tom Cruise.  Goofy bastard.  THE NYDN says…

Ex-Scientologist Peter Letterese, a longtime critic of the church, filed suit in Southern District Court in Florida on July 15 alleging, among other things, that members of the church harassed him after he left.
In court papers provided to The News by investigator Paul Barresi, Letterese claims a member of the church phoned his lawyer at home, and when the lawyer's wife answered, said he was her husband's homosexual lover.
Letterese calls the church a "crime syndicate" and wants it broken up under the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organization law, just as the feds have broken up Mafia families.
He singles out Cruise, who's made no secret of his religion, saying that Scientology head David Miscavage is "aided and abetted by the actions of Tom Cruise, his right-hand man for foreign and domestic promotion, as well as for foreign and domestic lobbying. He has assisted the syndicate in acquiring funds and [made] his own donations of money believed to be in the multiple tens of millions of dollars."

This guy is crazy.  Scientology is legit.  I took their personality test one time and it turns out I like to have fun.  And I thought about it and they were right.  Just a week earlier I had hit my thumb with a hammer and I didn’t care for that at all.  How did Scientology know?!?!?!  Here’s some money, tell me more!!!

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Rihanna left boyfriend Chirs Brown (I have no idea who that is) at home last night while she hit the clubs in NYC in a kick ass see thru top.  Although maybe I wish she hadn’t.  That bitch is hot as hell but her breasts look kind of weird.  I believe the technical term is, "saucer nips".  I read that in a science magazine about women.  It was called, "Sexy Chocolate Mamas".

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