Blake Lively needs to stop trying to hide from the press.  The last time she did this she ended up showing one of her tits.  This time she flashed a peak of her underwear.  Wait, no.  I said she needs to stop.  I meant to say she needs to do this every single day.  Twice a day if she's gonna wear sexy ass dresses like this.  It looks like she got drilled all night then put on her boyfriends shirt and took off.  Girls look super hot when they're naked except for something that belongs to a guy.  Especially if it's my semen.

UPDATE - I was lying, i didn't update anything.  i just didn't want madonnas fug ass as the headline.  (picture source = splash news)

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God only knows why, but Madonna wore little more than some black Nike Shox and a bathrobe that said "Dancing Queen" on the back as she went through security at Schoenefeld airport in Berlin, Germany last night.  Do you have to go through security if you’re on a private plane?  I guess you do because there’s no way her bourgeois ass rode commercial.  Not even up front with the rest of the aristocracy.   Unless she bought every seat, which seems like something she would do.  As I write this, it’s dawning on me for the first time, that I hate every single thing this check has done for the past 10 years.

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Michael Phelps has been cashing in ever since his coronation as one of the worlds greatest athletes two weeks ago, but his most impressive score may be yet to come.   According to the National Enquirer…

Michael was over the moon after hearing a rumor that the one-time American Idol thinks he is “cute.” According to celebrity tattles on-site at the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics, the twentysomethings are frequently texting each other and have already begun planning a “quiet first date” near Carrie’s home in Nashville, Tennessee.
“Carrie needs someone who is going to stick by her,” a skeptical pal of Carrie’s revealed to the National Enquirer. “She was devastated when her relationship with Tony Romo broke. The last thing she needs is a relationship with another high-profile celebrity who’s going to end up loving and leaving her.”

"Someone to stick by her"?  Well then don’t date athletes and actors.  You want devotion, swing by the Dog-N-Suds, I'm sure every guy in there would smother his girlfriend with a pillow to free up the time to get on you.

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Can this picture really be Alaska Governor and now Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin?  Palin was second in the 1984 Miss Alaska pageant, so I guess it's possible.  If so, it's an awesome strategy by McCain.  Why try to defeat your opponent when you just seduce them.

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Mark Wahlberg is a mumbly jackass, but even I admit the new trailer for "Max Payne" looks cool. More movies like this should use ice and snow. Blood is really striking when you see it on ice and snow. As my Finnish enemies know all too well, HI-YA!

Bonus: if you’re like me your trailer will be preceded by an ad for the Tampax Pearl. The marketers did a good job targeting their demographic. Tampons and violent game based movies, those audiences go hand in hand!

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As I’ve often said for many years, “It doesn’t get more American than ogling a British lingerie model (Katie Downes) walking the streets of ole’ London town.” Cohesion: It’s what for dinner I started drinking at noon. SHAZAM!

Happy Labor Day Weekend, everybody! See you jokers on Tuesday.

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This really sounds like he’s just trying to brag, but David Duchovny checked himself into a rehab facility last night because he's addicted to sex.  Okay David, we get it, you get tons of ass.  Enough already.

David Duchovny has entered a rehabilitation center for sex addiction, his lawyer, Stanton "Larry" Stein, tells People exclusively.  "I have voluntarily entered a facility for the treatment of sex addiction," the actor says in an exclusive statement. "I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family."  Duchovny, 48, has been married to actress Téa Leoni since 1997. They have two children, daughter Madelaine West, 9, and son Kyd, 6.

This guy really is a pervert, as you can tell but these completely unrelated pictures from the set of "Californication".  Even the blurry background chicks have huge tits.  Was that David’s idea?  Did he force the producers to do that, and then did he bang her?  Uh, yeah sure why not.  Either way, rehab for sex addiction is probably not nearly as hot as it sounds.  I like to imagine it's a room full of giggling cheerleaders in nothing but panties with their names across the ass, but more likely it's girls with too much eye shadow and scars on their wrists who cry if you get em in reverse cowgirl.  Boo-hoo.

(picture source = inf daily) 

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It’s a Friday before a holiday weekend, so what the hell? Let’s talk about John McCain (Hey, he’s a celebrity too!) and his sans penis vice presidential pick today: Alaskan governor Sarah Palin. Here’s the word from Reuters:

Palin, 44, a self-described “hockey mom,” is a conservative first-term governor of Alaska with strong anti-abortion views, a record of reform and fiscal conservatism and an outsider’s perspective on Washington.
“She’s exactly who I need. She’s exactly who this country needs to help me fight the same old Washington politics of me first and country second,” McCain told a roaring crowd of 15,000 supporters in Dayton, Ohio.

So what do you think: Awesome? Bad? We’re straight fucked? She looks like Tina Fey? Cheap political ploy? Where’s Alaska? I’d hit it? I’ll let you guys handle the deep intellectual discourse. And people say this site isn’t informative. In your face, entire mainstream media!

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Kim Kardashian is training hard for the upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars and is prepared to reveal more and more of her infamous butt as the show progresses. There’s nothing using a woman’s astronomically large ass that once starred in a porno as a source of family entertainment. God bless you, ABC! People reports:

“I’m hoping that it’ll firm it up and shape it up,” she said during a launch party for the Pink Blackberry Curve at L.A. boutique Intermix. “Everyone is asking if I’m worried it’s going to go away. No, it’s going to tone it up. I can use that.”
So, will she flaunt what she’s got in sexy and slinky ballroom costumes? Kardashian said she expects to show off more than a little skin as the competition moves forward.

Despite the prospect of some Kim ass I still won’t watch. Mainly because I did the math and it’ll take at least 100 episodes before we see some crack. You can’t fight the numbers, folks.

NOTE: Your eyes are not deceiving you: these are shots of Kim leaving a hair removal center - and, damn, not a moment too soon. Here’s what she looked like prior to treatment. Mamma mia!

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In a glaring example the Apocalypse is at hand, The Hills is a hot commodity these days. Major fashion designers send thousands of dollars worth of clothing to Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge. However, Heidi Montag is left out of this circle of love because, obviously, she has the public persona of a retarded hooker. Fox News reports:

One of Los Angeles’ leading fashion reps (who is often responsible for dressing the likes of Miley Cyrus, Angelina Jolie, Fergie and Carmen Electra) told Pop Tarts that Heidi’s public persona is a little too cheap even for casual (but classy) brands.
“They don’t want their stuff on Heidi, even despite the fact that she is very media-friendly and is photographed a lot,” the rep said. “It’s just not the caliber of celebrity most clients go for.”

Other celebrities of a higher caliber than Heidi Montag:

1. The guy on the Pringles can.
2. Ross Perot.
3. Remember the dude who’s getting a Dell?
4. Jon Stamos. (Marginally.)
5. The Philly Phanatic.
6. Me. (I want free shit! Size: SEXY.)

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