Britney Spears’ former paparazzi lover Adnan Ghalib has apparently brushed off getting stabbed and is back to marketing the sex tape he made with Britney in Mexico. The Sun reports:

“There is such a tape, but I won’t discuss prices for hypothetical enquiries. Unless there is a locked-in deal, I will go no further.”
An unconfirmed source claims the two-hour X-rated footage features Britney naked wearing just a pink wig and was allegedly shot while on holiday in Mexico.
Adnan added: “I am not interested in selling out any other details about Britney. “

Adnan’s not interested in “selling out any other details about Britney?” That’s pretty chivalrous for a guy hawking a sex tape of a bipolar nutjob he banged in Mexico while she was off her meds. No, really, for a minute there I thought I was reading Shakespeare.

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If you thought the recent Wall Street crash was bad (How ’bout that Dow today?), talk to Hugh Hefner: It’s costing him pussy. The recent credit crunch has forced the Playboy founder to reduce staff which fully, 100%, without a shadow of a doubt because they’re prostitutes explains why Kendra Wilkinson (above), Holly Madison and Bridgett Marquardt are jumping ship. The Daily Telegraph reports:

The 83-year-old has been told to lay off some of his staff at his Los Angeles and New York offices as soon as this month or go bankrupt.
The company has recently seen shares fall from £6.20 to £1.55. An insider at the company told the Daily Star that bosses had been aware of the worsening situation for “a while”.
“Only the top brass has known for a while how bad things have been for Hef recently.”
Spokeswoman Elizabeth Austin would not confirm the sackings, saying: “It is our policy not to comment on corporate matters such as employee issues.”

If Hugh Hefner, of all people, dies old and alone without giant fake breasts in his face, then my God, what hope is there for the rest of us? Damn you, stock market. DAMN YOU TO HELL!

Thanks to Josh who still dreams of having a stripper dance on his open casket.

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Holy Shit!  A California court today has released its decision in the ongoing custody battle between Sharon Stone and her ex-husband for their adopted son, Roan.  And it is as bad and one sided as any decision you’ll ever read, that doesn’t end with the kid in a shallow grave.  Take every unstable image you have in your head for Sharon Stone, then multiply it times 10.  Now add 17.  Now add some crazy circus music and the kind of clowns you’d see in a Rob Zombie movie.  TMZ says…

Among many things, the judge says, "Mother (Stone) appears to overreact to many medical issues involving Roan." In one case, the judge describes Stone believing Roan had a spinal condition, but "there was no evidence to support this allegation."
And then the court says, "Another example of an overreaction is that Mother suggested that Roan should have Botox injections in his feet to resolve a problem he had with foot odor. As Father (Phil Bronstein) appropriately noted, the simple and common sense approach of making sure Roan wore socks with his shoes and used foot deodorant corrected the odor problem without the need for any invasive procedure on this young child."
The judge differentiated very distinctly the difference between Bronstein and Stone, saying, "Father has championed for Roan's well-being out of, what appears to this Court, nothing less than the unconditional love for his son. Unfortunately, and for unexplained reasons, it appears that Mother did not involve herself to the extent she could or should have in this process … Mother has attempted to put up roadblocks to Roan's getting help, or has decided against participating in his care."
The judge goes on: "Unfortunately, the problem caused by Mother's overreactions is painfully real for this child."

Wow.  The judge might as well have shoved her in a tire and pushed her down a hill.  He did it in the figurative sense, he might as well have done it literally as well.

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Ryan Seacrest is the first to have the new single, "My BFF" by Paris Hilton.  Probably because he was the only one that asked for it.  He played it on his radio show this morning, and it's also online right here.  This version is official, except Seacrest has a tag laid over it that says, "On The Air with Ryan Seacrest", presumably so other radio stations don’t steal the song and play it themselves.  Um, I'm gonna go out on a limb and suggest that was unnecessary.  He could poison you and slowly read out the ingredients for the antidote and still no one would listen to this whole thing.

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Plane-crash survivor Travis Barker was discharged from the Joseph M. Still Burn Center in Georgia today well ahead of the two-week mark given by Jermaine Dupri on Friday. DJ AM, who also escaped the crash with Travis, was released Friday. People reports:

“Travis is in good condition and was discharged this morning,” Burn Center spokesperson Beth Frits told PEOPLE Monday. “He has left Augusta.”

Travis was last seen paddling down Interstate 95 in a canoe. Have you ever seen one of those burst into flames? I rest my case.

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When Heath Ledger died earlier this year from an accidental overdose, his will left everything to this parents and three sisters. It was written, of course, before the birth of his daughter Matilda with Michelle Williams. Many believed Michelle would file a claim for the estate, but Heath’s family has given the entire thing over to Matilda, according to the AP:

“There is no claim,” the newspaper quoted Kim Ledger as saying in a report published Sunday. “Our family has gifted everything to Matilda.”
The actor signed the will on April 12, 2003. It lists assets and cash of just $118,000, but the actor’s estate is believed to be worth more than $16.3 million, the newspaper said.

This turn of events is fortuitous for Matilda because TMZ reports Heath Ledger’s life insurance company is ruling his death a suicide to avoid paying $10 million to a trustee for his daughter who has filed a lawsuit:

Sources say lawyers for the insurance company have claimed Ledger’s death was “suspicious” — possibly suicide, which would nullify the policy. The company alleges in its answer to the lawsuit, “ReliaStar is entitled to investigate Plaintiff’s claim to determine if the ‘Suicide’ provision is applicable.” That provision states, “If the Insured commits suicide … we will pay only the amount of premiums paid to us.”
ReliaStar’s lawyers have informed Matilda’s lawyers they intend to take the depositions of Mary-Kate Olsen, as well as the masseuse who was at Ledger’s home when he died, Ledger’s colleagues on his last film, his agents, doctors, psychologists and others. Lawyers for Matilda believe the insurance company is trying to scare and shame them into submission. They believe ReliaStar is trying to drag the process out, for what could be years, to avoid paying the money.

Hey, remember that part in The Dark Knight when the Joker slammed that guy’s head down on a pencil? That was awesome.

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Before she was Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, she was Sarah Heath, aspiring model. By ridiculous request, here’s the video of Sarah during the swimsuit competition portion of the 1984 Miss Alaska Beauty Pageant. While 80’s hair and one-piece bathing suits don’t exactly raise my flag, I’ll admit the governor does have an ass on her. On that note, I should probably watch what I say before my words end up in a campaign ad:

Even fancy liberals with their magic Internet boxes agree: One half of McCain/Palin will bring much needed badonkadonk to Washington.

“I’ll admit the governor does have an ass on her.” - The Superficial, 9/29/2008

McCain/Palin: Oops, I dropped my pen…

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Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds quietly wed this weekend in Canada, People reports:

Attended by only a handful of close friends and family, the ceremony was held at a remote wilderness retreat outside of Vancouver, B.C.
This is the first marriage for both. The couple had announced their engagement in May.

Ryan Reynolds can marry Scarlett Johansson wherever the hell he wants. I’m still going to try and squeeze her breasts through my monitor. I’m a man of princi- “SMASH!” …. Heh. *picks up phone* Hello, Tech Support. Yeah, another one. Uh huh. Last time, seriously. I promise. Uh huh. Fifteen minutes? Fantastic.

UPDATE: “SMASH!” Honest to God, I swear I felt a nipple that time.

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Oh oh, look out fellas.  Frisky Lindsay Lohan and her partner-in-crime Samantha Ronson are down in Mexico today, and if know them, they’re gonna be on the prowl for some hot Latin men tonight.  I remember I heard some rumor about these two sexy ladies a few weeks ago, but now I cant remember what it was.  Doesn’t mater.  If I had to guess, it was probably about them making out with some lucky hunks!!!!  These boy-toys are insatiable!!!

(picture source = bauer griffin)

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Heather Locklear was arrested by the California Highway Patrol for suspicion of driving under the influence of a controlled substance. She was picked up in Montecito after someone called 911 to report an erratic driver. The LA Times reports:

Locklear showed bizarre behavior, driving back and forth over a pair of sunglasses on the pavement and revving her engine. After leaving the parking lot, she stopped her car on the street and stumbled into the traffic lane, according to the caller, who followed Locklear out of concern, Marshall said.
When the CHP officer arrived, Locklear’s car was parked on State Route 192 partially blocking a lane, Marshall said. The officer talked to her and determined that she was disoriented and “under the influence of something.” She was taken to the CHP’s Santa Barbara-area office to be tested for alcohol and drugs.
Locklear tested negative for alcohol. Other drug tests will be returned in a few days, Marshall said.

Judging by her mugshot, there’s no way Heather Locklear will even realize she’s been arrested until at least Wednesday - of next week. On that note, I’m convinced she’s either trying to steal my soul or order a pizza telepathically. What’s that, Drug-Face? I don’t think “Denise Richards is a gaping whore” counts as a topping. But I’ll ask.

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