Nancy Jarecki is an entrepreneur who sells dye for “hair down there.” While her product line Betty Beauty is taking off, Nancy needs to learn rule number one in the cutthroat pube dye business: Never out your celebrity clients. Page Six reports:

It’s not just women who are interested in matching the carpet to the drapes: Jarecki says so many men have bought the product that she plans to launch a “Betty for Men” line early next year. “I guess man-scaping for guys is really big these days,” she says, adding that she recently sent the entire assortment of colors to noted waxing enthusiast Diddy and got back a thank-you note from his assistant.
A Betty spokesperson adds that “Law & Order” brunette Mariska Hargitay, country singer Vince Gill, Jack Black and Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor also use the product.

For the record, I fancy myself a man-scaping enthusiast as well. Which is why my dude shrub comes complete with a gazebo, lawn gnome and barbecue pit. Also, cookout next Friday. BYOB. (There will be badminton.)

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New York Giants Super Bowl star Plaxico Burress is having an awesome season. The controversial receiver accidentally shot himself in the leg early Saturday morning after a concealed gun slipped out of his waistband at a Manhattan club, according to NY Daily News:

Burress, 31, who was sporting flashy jewelry and carrying loads of cash, told club management he needed the gun to protect himself, sources said.
The mercurial Giant was waved inside the crowded Latin-themed club on Lexington Ave. about midnight. He downed several drinks, making already jittery security guards more nervous about his weapon.
As Burress was being led into a VIP area, with a drink in his hand, the gun slipped down his pants leg. He reached for the weapon, but fumbled it and it went off, sources said. The bullet tore through Burress’ already injured right thigh, police said.
“[The bullet] went in and out. No bones,” Chief Michael Collins, a police spokesman, said.

Of course, discharging a loaded handgun in a club might, I dunno, get you fucking arrested. So with some quick thinking, Plaxico employed the help of Giants linebacker Antonio Pierce who stashed the gun in Jersey. Just like that episode of The Sopranos where Tony gets the paper in his boxers:

Panicking, Burress told his teammate not to call 911 for an ambulance, sources said.
Pierce helped the bloodied receiver out of the club before taking off with the gun and stashing it somewhere in New Jersey, sources said.
Burress was afraid to go to the hospital, but two hours after the shooting, at 2 a.m., his wife, Tiffany, and a friend escorted him to New York-Presbyterian Hospital Weill Cornell. He was treated and released at about 12:45 p.m., sources said.
But a hospital spokeswoman denied that Burress was ever there.
Cops only learned about the incident after Giants employees quietly reached out to the NYPD to report it, sources said.

Damn! Ratted out by your own team? That’s gotta sting. Probably not as much a bullet to your already-injured leg, but Jesus. Anyway, let this be a lesson to the kids out there: Always use a holster.

And that’s one to grow on…

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Here’s Britney Spears performing “Womanizer” at the 2008 Bambi Awards in Germany. It’s sort of trippy seeing a bunch of fancy Germans in tuxes talk about Britney, only to have her show up on stage and once again have the timing of a three-toed sloth. Don’t get me wrong; she looks way better than last year’s VMA debacle, but Jesus, I employ more dance rhythm making toast. (Read: I do jazz hands after buttering the bread. “Butter. Kazaam!“)

EDIT: Added pics of Madotney. Video after the jump.

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Nicolas Cage posed for this family photo in Vienna, Austria today with his wife Alice Kim and son Weston Coppola Cage. Weston brought his girlfriend along who I really want to believe isn’t jockeying for that sweet Ghost Rider dough. Maybe she simply digs dudes who think dead fetuses make kickass necklaces. Who knows? Then again, she did just score a free trip to Vienna with Nathan Explosion here, so yeah….

NOTE: I’m getting axed in the face tonight, aren’t I? Sweet.

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After word got out that Alex “A-Rod” Rodriquez was bailing on his kids to eat turkey with Madonna, he denied the reports and took his ex-wife Cynthia and their daughters out to eat Tuesday night right in front of the paparazzi (above). Ultimately, A-Rod did eat Thanksgiving dinner with his family in Miami, but then bolted to Madonna’s mansion to encourage Gwyneth Paltrow to become an adulterer - just like that Charlie Brown special! NY Daily News reports:

The third baseman hopped into his black Porsche around 4p.m. and sped off to Star Island - where Madonna has a home.
Sources say he is staying there while he’s in town, and witnesses saw his car parked there overnight.
Later, the kabbalah cronies celebrated at the estate of Jeff Soffer, the bachelor billionaire who reportedly has come between Gwyneth Paltrow and rocker hubby Chris Martin.
Feeding speculation that Paltrow and Martin are ready to split, Paltrow has been staying at Soffer’s Indian Creek Island mansion and spent Thanksgiving with him, sources said.
“Gwyneth has confided to friends she and Chris are taking a break,” a source claimed. “Jeff is crazy about her.”

Also, in case there were any doubts Madonna and A-Rod are having unholy relations, he was spotted Wednesday night handing her a water bottle at her concert, according to E! News:

As Madonna completed her second song before a sell-out crowd in Miami’s Dolphin Stadium Wednesday night, New York Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez handed her a bottle of water.
“It was easy for him to hand it off because he was sitting in the front row,” a witness tells E! News. “He was all excited watching her perform.”
And, just like that, Madonna acknowledged in public, less than a week after her quickie divorce from Guy Ritchie, that A-Rod is indeed the superfan (and waterboy) he’s reportedly been for most of this year in private.

He handed her a water bottle?! Oh yeah, these two are fucking. In fact, I’m surprised they even had time to exchange bottles of water. That’s how much they’re fucking. Trust me, I know these things. I have a Ph.D. in Who’s Doing the Fucking. Okay, technically it’s an old pizza box with “Dr. Naked Stuff” written in Elmer’s Glue and glitter, but still, ladies?

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Pink debuted her latest video “Sober,” and before you guys flat line on me from reading those words, she has sexy sex with herself in it. Yup. In a ham-fisted allusion to masturbation, Pink drunkenly gets it on with a scantily-clad clone of herself while some other shit happens that probably makes sense to heroin addicts. What does make sense, is the undeniable moral of the story: If you drink too much, you’ll split into two people and have steamy sex with your doppelganger. — Really?

*chugs bottle of whiskey*

Yes, folks, I am that gorgeous. Also, this doesn’t make me gay.

NOTE: Video after the jump. Good stuff kicks in around 2:25 mark because, honestly, who wants to hear Pink sing? Not counting Randal. (I’m a fan.)

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What did Winona Ryder have to be grateful about this Thanksgiving? Probably the fact that her celebrity status allows her to get high out of her mind on goofballs, swipe whatever she wants and pretty much walk away from it all without legal repercussions. Fresh from her Xanax-fueled airplane collapse last week, Ryder, who has a history of “forgetting” to pay for things, apparently got a sweet, sweet discount on $125,000 worth of diamond jewelry over the weekend. The New York Post reports:

Sticky-fingered actress Winona Ryder mysteriously lost a diamond-encrusted bracelet and ring worth more than $125,000, according to a published report.
Ryder told Bulgari jewelers that she misplaced their gems, which had been out on loan, after wearing them at a Marie Claire bash in Madrid on Sunday, according to the French celebrity-news magazine Voici.
The “Girl, Interrupted” star - convicted in 2002 of shoplifting in Beverly Hills - claimed she lost the precious stones after handing them in an envelope to her hotel’s front desk for safe keeping.
But Voici reported no hotel surveillance cameras captured Ryder giving the jewels to front-desk personnel.
Bulgari has asked police in Madrid to investigate, according to Voici.
A representative for the actress did not return phone and e-mail messages seeking comment last night.
A US-based spokeswoman for the famed Italian jeweler confirmed that the company had loaned gems to Marie Claire magazine for event organizers to then lend to celebrity partygoers.
The Bulgari representative declined to discuss Ryder or say whether any jewels were missing.

Gotta love the Hollywood-size sense of entitlement at work here. But if Winona really wants to stay fresh and vital as an artist, she needs to expand her repertoire. It would be nice to see Ryder in a bowler hat and fake mustache out on the Atlantic City boardwalk, bilking naive passersby with a Three Card Monte scam. Or a mass e-mail offering to share her vast family fortune, if you’ll just provide your bank-account information so she can transfer the money out of her war-torn region of Beverly Hills. Come on, Winona; put on your thinking cap! Or pop a few Oxy-Contins. Same difference.

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Hey, guys, I’ll be taking off the next two days for some R&R, but The Superficial will return to its regularly scheduled posting on Saturday Nov. 29. For those who haven’t noticed: Yes, Virginia, there’s posting on the weekends now. Whee!

In the meantime, here’s pics of Kim Kardashian who’s thankful this year for paparazzi that don’t always go for the ass shot and, as usual, O.J. Simpson’s prior access to knives.

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

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Liz Hurley: She’s hot, she’s British, she’s totally violent. Hugh Grant’s ex returned to her London home yesterday, her Louis Vuitton suitcase smartly accessorized by a set of skinned, bloody knuckles. Which is sexy and everything, but I’ve talked to her over and over again about her possessive streak. I’m flattered that you feel the need to defend my honor, Liz, but you really should have heard Kate Beckinsale out about her proposed three-way before decking her. It’s really not that bad of an idea, especially with Christmas coming up. Think about it, and I’ll totally stop hounding you about getting me a puppy this year, I promise.

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Britney Spears (seen here in Frankfurt, Germany yesterday) is “crash dieting” to drop at least seven pounds before performing on X Factor this weekend, according to the Daily Mail:

A source said: ‘She goes to bed hungry and is dieting so hard she’s suffering from insomnia, anxiety, flushes and shakes. Her father and the people around her are trying to get her to eat more, but Britney is determined not to be criticised for having any extra bulk.’

Britney’s people reportedly became alarmed when she only ordered two Whoppers at Burger King last night as opposed to her usual five. (One for each hand, foot and mouth.) Her father Jamie wept for hours, cradling his knees in the corner and asking “Where’d my little girl go? Where’d she go?” He used to love kissing her forehead at night, the smell of pepperoni pizza still clinging in her hair. Not anymore, my friends. Not anymore…

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