I’ve never seen Keanu so Keanu-y. In trying to take on the role of an alien, he’s somehow become an exaggerated, even more lifeless version of himself, and it’s very, very strange to behold. If standard Keanu was the final boss of a video game, this trailer’s Keanu is like the super powerful, insanely difficult version that emerges after you beat the normal one. Keanu but more so, and all without even uttering a “whoa.”

Continue Reading “‘Day the Earth Stood Still’ Trailer is Incredibly Keanu-y”

Comments Off

As far as I know Warner Brothers has never released the first 6 minutes of "The Dark Knight" online, even though they showed it in front of "I Am Legend" on IMAX. There was one shaky camcorder version of this on YouTube but now Iklipz has one that’s better.  Even though the quality here is ungreat, the clip is awesome.  The only way this could be any better is if it was projected onto Megans Fox's naked ass.

Comments Off

Two days ago there were breathless reports that New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez and Madonna were spending more and more time together, leading many to wonder if they were having affairs.  Then yesterday a few dubious sites claimed that Alex’s wife Cynthia was also on the prowl, and she had hooked up with Lenny Kravitz.  And although today several credible sources are reporting that Alex and Cynthia are in fact separating, Kravitz wants to make it clear it’s not because of him.  Us magazine says…

"There is absolutely no affair between Cynthia Rodriguez and myself," he tells Usmagazine.com in a statement. "This is unequivocally 100% not true.
"Cynthia is a friend and is here with the godfather of her baby, who is also Alex's trainer, his wife and their baby girl," he adds.
"She came here to escape from everything happening in New York City. I opened my home to her as a friend and I find it extremely hurtful that I am now being referred to as an adulterer."
On Wednesday, perezhilton.com and the Post reported that Rodriguez's wife Cynthia, 32, had left him for Lenny Kravitz.
The Post reports that she is in Paris with the rocker, 44, and was spotted outside his home as recently as Tuesday — the same day Us Weekly revealed that Madonna has been hosting late-night visits from Rodriguez at her NYC apartment.

I had a similar reaction when a bunch of the newspapers said I was sleeping with a married mans wife.  Except instead of whining, I used my karate to stalk my prey and extract my revenge.  Then I banged a bunch of supermodels on my yacht.  On second thought, I guess our reactions weren’t very similar at all.

Comments Off

Megan Fox is single. I should just quit right now because I’ll never report anything than can top this slice of awesome. (Unless Hayden Panettiere decides she hates clothes but loves bloggers.) Anyway, according to the latest issue of Star, Megan has called off her engagement to Brian Austin Green because she’s too young for a commitment:

Sources claim the 22 year-old sent business associates correspondence last week telling them the sad news.
An insider says: “Megan still cares about Brian, but she now realizes she’s too young to marry him.”

True, Megan does have her whole life ahead of her. But I like to believe she woke up one morning, looked beside her then immediately panicked: “Where am I? Brian Austin Green!? Eww! EWW!” Brian, realizing the jig was up, tried to neutralize the situation: “Shh. Shh. You’re okay. Can I interest you in a mixed drink?” When that didn’t work, he frantically phoned Ian Ziering: “Dude, she’s onto us. I dunno how, but we’re toast. Call Priestley; have him fire up the jet. No, we’re not bringing Dustin Diamond. Fuck that guy.”

Comments Off

Megan Fox is single. I should just quit right now because I’ll never report anything than can top this slice of awesome. (Unless Hayden Panettiere decides she hates clothes but loves bloggers.) Anyway, according to the latest issue of Star, Megan has called off her engagement to Brian Austin Green because she’s too young for a commitment:

Sources claim the 22 year-old sent business associates correspondence last week telling them the sad news.
An insider says: “Megan still cares about Brian, but she now realizes she’s too young to marry him.”

True, Megan does have her whole life ahead of her. But I like to believe she woke up one morning, looked beside her then immediately panicked: “Where am I? Brian Austin Green!? Eww! EWW!” Brian, realizing the jig was up, tried to neutralize the situation: “Shh. Shh. You’re okay. Can I interest you in a mixed drink?” When that didn’t work, he frantically phoned Ian Ziering: “Dude, she’s onto us. I dunno how, but we’re toast. Call Priestley; have him fire up the jet. No, we’re not bringing Dustin Diamond. Fuck that guy.”

Comments Off

These are pictures of High School Musical’s Ashley Tisdale spending her birthday in Hawaii. If you have no idea who she is, please, switch lives with me. In the meantime, I guess she’s hot - sort of. I dunno. Hold on, my penis just wrote me a note: “I quit.” Dude! What about the memories we’ve had together? Like all those time I’d think inanimate objects were really a woman: The coffeemaker, the book shelf, Suzanne Somers…

Comments Off

Ashley Tisdale is in Hawaii this week with her boyfriend Jared Murillo, whoever the hell that is.  At the risk of sounding 900 years old, there's a whole new wave of "stars" right now, and they all suck.  God this bitch is boring.  She's completely average in every way.  She's not hot, she has no tits, she can't act and she can't sing.  Instead of staring at these pictures, go turn your TV to a channel you don't get and stare at that.  There's no way that could be any more boring.

(picture source = inf daily)

Comments Off

Alex “A-Rod” Rodriquez and his wife Cynthia (above) are officially separated, according to NY Daily News. Coming off the heels of rumors that A-Rod is having an affair with Madonna, the New York Post is also reporting Cynthia was getting her own piece of strange. And, hey, what do you know? It’s freaking Lenny Kravitz:

Cynthia Rodriguez, 34, has been in Paris for at least the past four days visiting Grammy-winner Kravitz. C-Rod was seen outside the 44-year-old Kravitz’s pad in the romantic City of Light as recently as Tuesday night. Meanwhile, A-Rod has been in New York with the Bronx Bombers.
The couple’s two daughters - 3-year-old Natasha and 2-month-old Ella - remained in Miami, sources said.

Aww, that’s nice. While Mommy and Daddy are banging the celebrities of yesteryear, the kids are left with a nanny in Miami. Then again, if my dad abandoned us to nail someone famous, I’d probably understand. Except when he actually did, and it was Mrs. Butterworth’s. We had to go on food stamps, you sweet maple homewrecker!

Comments Off

One of the more humorous elements of my job (besides Spencer Pratt’s face) is when reality shows are reported as if the shit happening on them is real. In this case, Kristy Morgan (above) who “won” this season’s A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila but turned down Tila on the finale. People caught up with Kristy to find out why she chose not to date a fake bisexual. It’s called a script, folks:

“I really went with what my heart said,” Morgan said. “Sometimes you date people, and then it’s not always the happy ending.”
Morgan, who is bisexual, said she was “emotionally unstable” living away from friends and family and in a house full of lesbians and straight men. “It helped me learn what type of woman I want to be, [but] I started to emotionally break down,” she said.

Meanwhile, Tila Tequila is feigning rage on her website and unleashed some angry leprechaun poetry while telling MTV where to dump the pile of cash for a third season:

Thunderfuck my mouth is shut. Been a while, feel like a cunt.
Can’t wait for this drama to pass.
Oh the joy…..fuck you. My ass.
Live a lie.
Tell my mind.
Over soon. I can’t deny.
You will all soon see, the truth in my eyes.
Smile on my face, the loving embrace….but instead I’ll punch you in the face.
For a long time coming….I let you touch me….now that it’s over bitch….You better start running.
Pent up inside….telling these lies….this has gone too far…..the world will soon die.
Only 1 more day. To feel this way. Tomorrow I smile….brings another day!
Back to myself. Nobody else. Fuck all this bullshit. I’m back to myself. Yes. Thank the fuck God.

Wow. That’s quite a verbose entry for someone who has to hop from key to key.

Comments Off

That’s an old picture but you should maybe get used to it because TMZ says that Britney Spears has been secretly texting and meeting with Adnan Whatshisname, the paparazzi who filled in as her boyfriend a few months ago when she was at her lowest / most entertaining.   TMZ says…

Our sources say over the last few months Adnan has been getting into The Summit, the gated community where Brit lives. They have been "together," though we can't say it's still going on. We know they have been texting back and forth, at times complaining that Daddy Jamie is too "controlling" by trying to put the kibosh on the relationship.
But here's the deal. Daddy Jamie's job is to be controlling — that's what a conservator does. And, sources tell us, Jamie's concern over his daughter seeing Adnan is not just his opinion — the doctors who are treating Brit have told him it would be a bad thing for Brit to hook up with the dude.

Now this is more like it.  New Britney is boring.  She sucks.  Old Britney was way more fun.  She was always high and drunk and half naked.  She looked like a rape victim you might see stumbling out of an NFL wide receivers coke party, but she looked like that 24 hours a day, by choice.  He’s a fuckin scumbag and I’d throw a rock at his sorry ass if I ever saw him, but I miss the old Britney, and this may be extreme, but by golly we’ve got to try something.

Comments Off