These are shots of Nip/Tuck star Julian McMahon vacationing in Australia this weekend. I wonder if he’s had work done. Ha! Get it? Nip/Tuck. Work done. I’m adorable. But on a serious note, hats off to Julian for wearing the closest thing you can get to going full Speedo. I tried to pull off a similar look once; There were lawsuits.

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Tara Reid has already checked out of rehab after only three weeks of treatment, according to People:

“She checked out on Saturday,” says the source. “She’s doing well. The whole family is very positive about this being the new beginning for her.”
Despite Reid being in treatment since only last month, her family and friends are optimistic about her future. “They are taking steps to do everything they can to help Tara keep on the right track,” adds the source.

I don’t care what People’s source/Tara’s publicist says, three weeks is nowhere near enough time to cure her level of alcoholism. We’re talking about a woman who once ate through a locked door to get to an almost empty bottle of Stoli’s. Don’t remember that story? That’s because it’s happening right now. And, shit, she smells the beer in my liver. Look, Tara, a martini! *dives out window*

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Seen here with a post-pregnancy Ashlee Simpson on New Year’s Eve, Pete Wentz laments about his current online reputation as the baggiest douche of all douches, according to the latest issue of Blender:

“I was letting the blogs get to me. It’s semi-frustrating when your name actually becomes a synonym for douche bag. I’m paranoid pretty much all the time. I can take three Xanax bars and not feel a thing.”

Truth be told, he doesn’t look great. Dark bags ring his eyes and his skin has a waxy, jaundiced pallor.

Dear Pete Wentz,

First off, it takes a real man to admit he reads about himself all day on the Internet. Everyone does it - except for me because I’m awesome. Lumberjack awesome. Anyway, now that I know you read this site, I came up with a revolutionarly solution that will make bloggers stop calling you a douchebag:

Quit looking like Pete Wentz.

BOOM! Solved. However, in the unlikely event that doesn’t work, I’ve also developed a full-proof contingency plan where you pay me $1 million to have sex with Ashlee Simpson. Because honestly, Pete, who can put a price on peace of mind? Not counting the one I just came up with. (I prefer cash and to be called “Papa Bangarang.”)

Always looking out,

The Superficial Writer

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Holly Madison had a milestone on New Year’s Day when she introduced her parents to Criss Angel. It’s the first time her folks have ever met one of her boyfriends, according to E! Online:

The couple was spotted with Madison’s parents, Steve and Patsy Madison, having dessert at Fix Restaurant & Bar at the Bellagio in Las Vegas, according to a source.
They enjoyed warm brownie cake, a cappuccino milk shake and chocolate coffee cake. Angel also requested a hot chocolate from the Bellagio’s hotel bar.
The Mindfreak illusionist picked up the tab.

Things, however, turned sour when Steve Madison realized his daughter wasn’t playing a joke and was seriously going to marry “Charm Necklace Houdini over here.” When Holly refused to go back to “a respectable life juggling old man balls for cash,” he disowned her that night at Starbucks over cafe lattes, soy, no whip, while Criss quietly sipped a Caramel Frappucino until Steve kicked his ass in the parking lot. They promised to do this again soon over Easter.

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These are pics of a barely bikini-clad Amy Winehouse in St. Lucia yesterday with a new boyfriend. Let’s just go ahead and assume this guy is blind, has no sense of smell, on acid, bipolar, a clone of Pauly Shore and probably gay (If not, he’s gonna be.). But even then I still don’t get it. Maybe Amy’s digging gold bars out of her crotch, who knows? I stopped looking after my retinas pulled a gun.

NOTE: Pics link to NSFW versions that aren’t for the faint of heart. Or anyone with a heart in general.

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Here’s Adrian Grenier celebrating the New Year with a bunch of dolphins at Sea World in Australia. Can someone, please, tell me what thought process ended with this guy being cast as Hollywood heartthrob Vincent Chase in Entourage?

HBO EXEC 1: Okay, check it. We’ll cast the lead with someone who is attractive yet completely not-attractive at the same time. Women won’t know whether they want to sleep with this guy or put their vaginas in a lockbox.
HBO EXEC 2: Why would we do that?
HBO EXEC 1: We’re HBO, bitch!
HBO EXEC 2: Can’t argue with that.
HBO EXEC 1: Exactly. Next item, who’s in favor of green-lighting a show about Hare Krishnas who operate exactly like the Mafia?
HBO EXEC 2: You mean, like The Sopranos?
HBO EXEC 1: Bingo.
HBO EXEC 2: Aye!

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Jett Travolta, the 16-year-old son of John Travolta who has always been rumored to be autistic but never officially diagnosed, died today in the Bahamas.  And not as in, "from laughter", I mean the real kind.  TMZ says…

Rand Memorial Hospital in the Bahamas tells TMZ the son of John Travolta died today.  We're told 16-year-old Jett was vacationing with Travolta and wife Kelly Preston. We do not know the circumstances of his death. There have been reports that Jett was autistic, though Travolta has denied it, saying he suffers from Kawasaki Syndrome, a condition which often leads to heart disease.

I assume this is sad, but the good news is I bet Scientology funerals are exciting.  A big picture of L Ron Hubbard and they’ll gather around wearing white robes and drink some unnamed blue liquid and then shoot Jetts coffin into space like at the end of Star Trek 2 when Spock died.  Is this the end of Jett, or merely the beginning!!!

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Jesus. It’s only the second post of 2009 and already Lindsay Lohan is in a bikini. Here she is bringing in the New Year on South Beach, and I don’t know about you, but I definitely know what I’m doing with these babies: Playing Connect the Dots with Lindsay’s freckles. So far I’ve found Optimus Prime, a slice of pizza and two giant breasts. Try and beat my score!

EDIT: Bumped up top for obvious reasons: Found a T-Rex!

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John Travolta’s son Jett passed away today after suffering a seizure at a vacation home in the Bahamas. Authorities say Jett struck his head on the bathtub and died on the scene after attempts to revive him failed. TMZ reports:

We’re told 16-year-old Jett was vacationing with Travolta and wife Kelly Preston.
There have been reports that Jett was autistic, though Travolta has denied it, saying he suffers from Kawasaki Syndrome, a condition which often leads to heart disease.
Travolta’s attorney Michael Ossi says Jett suffered a seizure at his family’s vacation home at the Old Bahama Bay Hotel on Grand Bahama Island. Attempts to revive him were unsuccessful and he died on scene.

Wow, that’s horrifically sad and especially right after the holidays. My sincerest condolences to the Travolta family and Jett’s loved ones.

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Chloe Sevigny is actually kind of hot, until you look at her.  She’s good from the back, and good from the neck down … but that face.  Woof.  How on earth did this chick ever make it in Hollywood?  Its f*cking madness.  I’d rather make out with a average chick who just shit her pants than Chloe with that mug.

(picture source = splash news)

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